Work blows

What is it sometimes about work that puts you into a funk? I guess when it's in the mid-70s and sunny outside and you're busy dealing with stupid bullshit inside it's tough to not be bitter. It's always funny when people talk about how people not in the military think we work so hard all the time. Let me tell ya--that shit isn't true. There are days I check and re-check the same websites over and over again as if some earth-shattering news is going to appear on my millionth visit. It's nice to be able to have a beer in the office at the end of the day after taking a 90-minute lunch. I can't say I know what it's like to work in the private sector, but I wonder if it's sometimes a coma-inducing. At least there you get fired for poor performance. In the military we'll carry your sorry ass until we can let you go because unless you broke the law, being a piece of shit just isn't an excuse.

I'll tell you how bad I hate my job. Sometimes I wonder if a minor fender bender wouldn't be such a bad thing. Maybe enough to put me out for a few days. Nothing serious, but sometimes I could use the break. How about waking up one morning with a little temporary paralysis or nasty flu bug. I'd rather lay in bed and develop bed sores than have to come into the office. I know, I know...I'm a mess.

By the way, next time you weren't at work (because you were hungover or just didn't feel like going) and someone asks, but you don't want to tell the truth because it means you're in trouble, try my favorite excuse. When someone asks tell them you had some violent diarrhea and you spent the night shitting out your intestines. You aren't sure what it was, but you swear you lost about half your body weight. I don't think Mr/Ms Nosy is going to be checking in with you again when you tell them you were blowing ass and permanently coating the inside of your toilet with fecal matter. Just a thought...