American Idol cuts another one

American Idol cut another contestant tonight which means they are now down to the touring 10 where you'll get to waste your money taking your kids to see people who will be working at Wendy's in 5 years. This lovely lady is Kristy Lee Cook who easily has to be the best thing to ever come out of Oregon next to Bandon Dunes Golf Resort. I'm sure there will be some controversy over why she made it through again despite being in he bottom two for what seems like the 20th straight week. Here's the reason--she's attractive. There isn't another chick on the show who comes close to touching the "talent" level of little Kristy. And that's why she's still alive--because guys ranging from age 16-35 need something to beat off to or else they'll stop watching the show. And a line like her Tuesday night "I can blow you out of your socks, and you know it," is sure to make for some very good masturbation material later when you're alone with your thoughts. Dirty.

1 in 4 teenage girls has an STD

I think it's safe to say when you have a blog entry with "STD" in the title a picture of Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears isn't too far behind. A study from the CDC revealed 1 in 4 girls between the ages of 14 and 19 have something that will assuredly melt your penis at some point in your life--that's 3 million girls. I think it's safe to say these girls aren't buying the abstinence speech and handing out some damn rubbers is the way to go. I think it's also safe to say 1 in 4 girls has one thing in common with Lindsay and Britney--they're willing to give up the pooty at the first opportunity meaning they actually have another thing in common--they're also whores.

Why are you still here?

It looks like the Knicks are looking for a new team president. When asked about the news, here's what Isaiah had to say: ""Honestly, I have not read them, so I can't even comment about them because I haven't read them. However, it's probably safe to say that every two weeks you write this story. So there's a rumor every two weeks for the last two years, so we'll keep going here and keep working." Apparently James Dolan isn't in a rush to make a change during the season and could wait until after the Knicks' season is over, which was really back in November. Isaiah should be out as head coach too. The Knicks are headed to their seventh straight losing season and are an atrocious 17-49 this year. If you're manager at McDonald's and your receipts come up short for seven straight days, I've got a little news for you--your ass isn't working an eighth day and the cops will probably be paying you a visit.

You've got to be kidding me

I'm sure you'll all be happy to know the Red Sox, A's, and Major League Baseball have settled the flap over the stipend/appearance fee for a 2-game series in Japan. Now all Red Sox personnel going on the trip will hopefully be able to live on $40,000 while in Japan---what?! Are you fucking kidding me?! I used both appearance fee and stipend because both words are used in the ESPN article. Nobody in Japan wants to see the trainer and what the fuck are you doing in Japan that you need $40 G's?! Let's see: the Red Sox and A's have probably chartered a plane and there's a team hotel with I'm sure several functions for both teams while they're in Japan. So tell me why you need that much cash?? The players' union and MLB agreed to a $40K appearance fee and if I'm MLB I tell these players to go fuck themselves and they will be on that plane or else there will be fines and suspensions. These guys aren't golfers--they're not independent contractors playing a professional sport. These guys sign contracts to play and they are bound by those contracts. If the players want to blame someone then blame the Red Sox staff for not compensating their staff, but this is ridiculous. Boston bench coach Brad Mills said, "the players just stepped up and they did what I think was right." If the players wanted to do what was right they should've pooled half of their "stipend" and given it to the staff. Now that's a great gesture. This is without a doubt one of the biggest wastes of money and does nothing but put off fans.

I Am Legend

So I'm watching the Bay Hill on TV and the wife and I are about to head out for dinner. I tell her to hold on because I want to see Tiger get his par on 18 so I can record the playoff. Johnny Miller says there's a 90% chance the tourney is going to a playoff. The NBC guys throw out the similarities between this putt and the putt he holed out in 2001 to beat Mickelson and how Tiger hasn't made a put over 18 feet the entire tournament. So what does Tiger do? He coolly steps up and drains a 25 footer to beat Bart Bryant on the 72nd hole! The man is unreal--is there anything he can't do? It seems like every time Tiger has two putts to beat you he takes one. The guy just has another gear altogether and absolutely feeds on the ultimate pressure. I think if I needed emergency heart surgery I'd just go with Tiger--dude is unreal in the clutch. So now his winning streak around the world is extended to 7 tourneys and official PGA starts to 5. What's scarier is the consistency for Tiger over the last five years. Since 2004, Tiger has played in 74 PGA Tour events. He's won 25 of those events, been 2nd or 3rd in 19 of them, and finished in the top 10 in 11 of the tournaments. For those of you who went to Oregon public schools that means he's won 33% of the events he's entered and finished in the top 10 74% of the time. He is now tied with Ben Hogan for third all time with 64 victories. He trails Nicklaus by 9 and Sam Snead by 18. Anyone who doubts Tiger keeps growing his legend on his way to becoming the greatest golfer that ever lived is kidding themselves. For those of us who are growing up in this era of Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods and possibly A-Rod we are truly lucky to watch/have watched the legends of the sport become just that in front of our very eyes.

Dear. Sweet. Jesus.

I've always thought Kate Hudson was hot. Beautiful smile. But my problem is that she has the cleavage of a 10-year-old girl. And judging by this photo it looks like she's got the caboose of one, too. Zing! Welcome back to my "list", Kate. When I look at her poop chute I hear, "you HAVE to toss my salad."