Another Example of PC Hell

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Weird and weirder...

Tampa must be a WEIRD city, which is why I should be there. If you click here you can read this great story about a loser who got arrested for wearing a mask in public (he was dressed as Batman), which is apparently against the law in Tampa unless it's Halloween. There are a couple of sad things about this story. First, dude is dressed up as Batman. Second, he's got more than one costume. Third, he's making a zombie Batman costume for Halloween. Fourth, well, I could go on.

And in a beautiful example of the lack of schooling in American today, I give you this quote from Laura McElroy, a Tampa police spokeswoman: "So there is a purpose for this statue that says you can't wear a mask in public." Nice. It's called a dictionary, Laura. Try using it some time.

Oh, and enjoy the photo. Keeley says stay in school and maybe you'll get to see my naughty bits. I didn't make that up. I swear.

Another Sign of American Descent Into Pussness

In another example of America's descent into pussyosity, ads for the new movie, "Zack and Miri Make a Porno", are being rejected by newspapers and television. Apparently the word "porno" is an unsavory word these days. Some child education expert in Boston says the ads inform kids that it's okay to work in the porn industry. "It's drawing attention to a movie which is mainstreaming and normalizing pornography, saying if you need money, this is what you do," said Diane Levin, co-author of "So Sexy So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids." Really? Are you kidding? Here's how you protect your kids: be up front with them and explain the situation. You want your kid to try being in a porno? Keep them away from it as much as possible. I lived in Germany and I noticed European kids were much less "in love" with the thought of boozing it up. You know why? Because they're around it from a young age so maybe they're not as apt to go out and experiment at such a young age. Europeans are a lot more open about sex as well and my guess is there are probably fewer teenage pregnancies there than some places in the US where some religions consider pre-marital sex taboo. Give me a break.

A-Rod is a disappointment...

...as a man. Turns out A-Rod is banging Madonna. This dude makes more money than some small-market baseball teams. The guy can't come through in the clutch in the playoffs, but you'd figure he'd at least be able to get a hot piece of ass. Remember the blonde stripper with the tig ol' bitties he was seen with in Toronto? Hottie. Madonna looks like Skeletor nowadays. I believe she made a deal with the devil and he's slowly taking away her soul and she must feed on fresh blood or else whither away to nothing, which seems like it's happening. Good luck keeping your dick from falling off, buddy.

Welcome Back

I never thought I'd see the day when people would forget about Britney Spears bald lunging at a camera. Those were hard times. It reminds me of the time I made a bet with some buddies I could turn this geeky girl into a hottie for the big school dance and I fell for her, but then she found out the whole thing was a bet. Eventually we got back together, but those were dark days. And although this song is awful, Britney is back to looking uber hot--especially in the sauna scenes. She's back to where she belongs--in guys' fantasies as they give her a pearl necklace.

BTW, great line on wwtdd.com about the picture you see above. 'The snifter of brandy says "sophisticated lady", whereas the skin tight pants say "do me" and the blood red wig adds "...in the ass."'

The VP debate

Tried to watch some of the debate last night, but there was a Blossom marathon on at the same time. Decisions, decisions. Apparently Sarah Palin sounded a lot better than in her earlier interviews with Katie Couric. Those were brutal to listen to and it gives you pause considering she sounded pretty good during the debate, but what do you expect when you've been prepping for that thing forever.

But does it really matter? Because no matter what you can always mute the television and gaze on Palin and her hot librarian look. There's no way in hell she doesn't have some handcuffs and a whip in her bedroom...

Watch this kid, Australia

Zoo officials in central Australia caught this 7-year old boy killing a bunch of reptiles by either bashing their heads in with a rock or feeding them to an alligator. He whacked 13 animals and had no expression on his face the whole time. Due to the laws in that part of Australia, however, the kid can't be charged because he's under 10. The zoo is going to sue his parents, but if you ask me they should sue to put this boy in some kind of mental ward right now. The best thing that could have happened was if he'd been eaten by the alligator! Everyone knows the psychological information in movies is real and they always talk about serial killers starting out by killing animals. That's good enough for me. If the cops aren't checking up on this kid later tonight he'll be stuffing dead bodies under the floor of his house (hence the John Wayne Gacy photograph--friendly isn't he?)!

Ricky Williams not over the herb...

Ricky Williams said he was tempted to light up a doobie during the Dolphins' bye week according to an ESPN report. Ricky says, with the freedom of an off week he wondered what he was going to do and pictures of joints danced in his head. Apparently meditation was the cure because, in his mind, it was the same high as marijuana. He said he can't promise he won't smoke a joint once his NFL career is over, which is code for "I can't wait to be done with the NFL so I can light it up all day, every day." According to the report, he said "I don't know. I don't spend much time thinking about it." This is also code for "I think about smoking weed every day." The thought I have in my head is the sequence from
Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle when he's daydreaming about being married to a bag of bud.

Parking

I come into work pretty early--so early the only people still awake besides me are hookers turning their last trick for the evening. So I see some of the security guys and gym rats coming to work and I notice there are a lot of people who feel the need to back into a parking spot. Why is that? Does it make you look cool? Are you planning a bank robbery and need to make a fast getaway? I don't know, but it's a little annoying. Almost as annoying as the guy I saw yesterday with a Bentley grill on his Chrysler 300--what? That's like buying those hubcap spinners. Horrible, bro.

And speaking of sweet rides, meet this month's foxy lady. Keeley Hazell hails from England and I hear there are topless pictures of her on a site called www.page3.com--I think. She's definitely got one thing going for her that most Brits don't: nice teeth.