NCAA grants Duke lax players year of eligibility

The NCAA granted 33 players an additional year of eligibility after all but 8 games of their 2006 season were cancelled. The only ones who will not get an additional year were those who were seniors in 2006. This all came about because Duke cancelled the season due to the criminal investigation into the rape allegations made by a stripper against some of the players. Most people agree this was the right thing to do and I, for one, applaud the NCAA for making a smart decision and allowing these kids to get another year whether at Duke or elsewhere. Of course there's always some moron who has to open his mouth rather than keep his comments to himself. Rest assured, he'll be issuing some kind of retraction or clarification when the fact he's a dickhead is now out in the open.

Virginia's coach, Dom Starsia, stated, "'Everybody in the lacrosse world was embarrassed by what happened,'" he said. "'But it almost feels now as if nobody's really paying for this thing. I would've been the first to say that Reade Seligmann and Collin Finnerty probably deserved another year. But I'm not sure that everybody involved here should be painted with the same broad brush and it just seems that's what the NCAA chose to do.

'Most of these wounds seem to be self-inflicted at Duke. I'm not sure if the institution has kind of held itself accountable for everything that happened,' he added."

Smooth move. I'll tell you who is paying for this--every single guy that was on that team and is now viewed in a different light by people on campus. Seligmann and Finnerty can't go back to Duke. They now have a stigma they'll be associated with for the rest of their lives. Innocent kids (okay, there was underage drinking) were punished for nothing. His statements about Duke's wounds being self-inflicted is another stupid comment. I remember the lacrosse guys at Auburn and their parties weren't exactly clean and innocent. This guy is living in a dream world if he thinks universities and coaches can control every hour of the players' lives. I bet if we went to a UVa party the same thing would be going on. The only person that should be paying is the stripper who decided to make all of this shit up and ruin the lives of the accused players. That's where justice would be served.

A village somewhere is missing an idiot...

In case you're wondering, this idiot is eating dog meatballs in the picture in some attempt to protest the mistreatment of animals by the royal family. There are reports that Prince Philip (don't know who, don't care) beat a fox to death while on a hunt. The dead corgi meat was ground up with some veggies and formed into meatballs. The animal supposedly died at a breeding farm and hadn't been killed--yeah, right. I'm thinking the breeder took a sledgehammer to the damn thing.

How sick do you have to be? The artist, Mark McGowan, says he had three lumps, but spit out two of them. Are you kidding me? Why eat any of it?! I can't believe this idiot thinks this is a good way to protest. It's still a dog, shit bag. I think people should've lined up to punch him in the mouth or kick him in the gonads. Sometimes these animal rights people boggle the mind with what they do. And how does he know the animal didn't die from some disease? Good luck with that ringworm thing. I think the breeder should be hit over the head with a hammer, too.

How about you beat a stuff animal fox or a doll of this Philip guy. Sweet Jebus...

Breaking news

In case you hadn't heard anything about the French Open, there was some shocking news today. The American men finished 0-9, marking the first time since the 1973 Australian Open there are no American men in the second round of a Grand Slam tourney.

In less shocking news: nobody gives a shit.

Classic

If you haven't seen this video then you are really missing out. Joe Rogan isn't exactly the funniest comedian, to me, but his "dunk your tongue in my keister like a thirsty rottweiler drinking out of a toilet bowl" line will be seared into my memory for the rest of my life. Two comedians that seem to get plenty of airplay right now are Carlos Mencia and Dane Cook. Personally, I think these two guys are a couple of ass clowns and not funny at all. Dane Cook does a lot of yelling and spazzing on stage, but I just don't see it. It's like that girl your buddy is head over heels in love with, but all of his friends scratch their heads thinking, "I don't get it." Same thing with Carlos Mencia. This guy is the least funny comedian to come along in a long time. He plays up the whole Mexican thing I wouldn't be surprised if he was Canadian--it's to the point where you're like, "enough already, dude." He does plenty of screaming and flails his arms around on stage like a total jerkoff.

Anyways, Mencia has been accused by many other comedians of stealing bits, which is comparable to Pete Rose betting on baseball. It's just not cool. Anyways, watch the video because Joe Rogan calling out Mencia and having actual proof of Mencia stealing other comedians' jokes. I love seeing guys like these take it on the chin.

More deaths in Afghanistan

7 killed as U.S. copter crashes in Afghanistan

A CH-47 was brought down by a rocket-propelled attack in southern Afghanistan earlier today. The team responding to the crash was ambushed and had to call in an airstrike to quell the situation. This is never easy to read, but to me it highlights the need for the Air Force to really take a look at it's choice for the CSAR-X helicopter that will replace the HH-60 Pavehawk. It seems to me a big lumbering thing like the Chinook is ill-prepared to execute effective rescue operations.

Mitt Romney is a showoff

Apparently, Mitt Romney has said he will donate his salary to charity if he is elected president. You can read the story here. He says he never expected to make so much money from his business ventures and that he wouldn't need the salary and would possibly donate more than that.

This type of shit is why poor people get turned off by Republicans. Nothing says, "look at how much more well off I am" than telling people about all the money you've got and how $400K doesn't mean shit to you. Here's guessing most people aren't going to care what you do with the money--hell, it could be to build a spaceship for John Smith and Brigham Young. How about you tell us what you're actually going to do for the country, you ass. Or better yet, donate your salary to different families to help them on their feet. In fact, he could start with my family!

Just because my nickname is Tripod doesn't mean, when I was single, I went around saying I wouldn't have sex with sorority girls because I'd already laid so much pipe in high school...that'd be crazy talk.

The Stanley Cup--who gives a shit

Was I the only one who thought the NHL season was over? If you were, I'm sorry to say that's no the case. The last game of the conference finals was played May 22. The finals don't start until tonight, which is the same night the Jazz and Spurs are playing game 4 of the western conference finals. That's a smart move by the NHL. This is a league whose TV ratings are absolutely abysmal. I think more people would rather watch me take a dump than watch a single game of the playoffs. You've got a seven-game series that might not be over until the 11th of June--huh?! Enough already!! The playoffs started on the 11th of April and it takes two months to run through this garbage? Give me a break--get shit crap over with in some kind of manner so people give a shit and don't lose interested before the end of the 1st round. Otherwise, you can bet this sport will continue to become more and more irrelevant.

Misses Universe and America--who cares

If you don't know who this is, don't worry, you're not alone. It's Miss Universe from last year, but unless you're related to her or banging her you don't really care. A friend of mine was wondering if I was watching the pageant going on tonight. I know, I didn't realize it was on either. When I said no her argument was any straight guy should be watching because of all the beautiful women. Ummmmm, not really. I don't know any straight guys who are watching this unless there is one TV in the house or they're trying to get some from their significant other. All a guy needs is an Internet connection or Skinemax to know these beauty pageants don't mean shit to guys anymore.

Time was you had to sneak a magazine, watch this crap, or hope for a possible nipple shot in the lingerie section of a JC Penney catalog (from what Jon the Socialist Gambler has told me). Now you've got 80 million porn sites, mags like FHM/Stuff/Maxim, and Skinemax or some of the reality shows on HBO. The only way people are going to check out a girl like Miss Universe '06 is online to see if there are some promiscuous pics. Who knew the name of Miss America before it was revealed there were of photos of her making out with other girls? Then it was off to the web to find videos or pics in order to "do the deed." Whenever Playboy has some spread of a former beauty pageant--that's when people care. Not too many straight guys were looking for pics of Teri Polo (most of you are probably going "who?"--she was the chick in Meet the Parents) until she showed up in Playboy. Would guys rather look at a picture of Jessica Biel in a business suit or a tiny tank top and thong? Nuff said. You want to make these pageants watchable? Give us some nudity or a cat fight or, if possible, some making out. Then we might give a shit.

Surprise, surprise!

It looks like cnn.com is reporting Lindsay Lohan was arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence. Police were called to the scene following a 911 call and found a substance believed to be cocaine in the car. This is the third time she's been involved in a motor vehicle accident. Sources are reporting she will have to appear in court to answer the citation.

Is anyone really surprised by this? This douche bag has been playing with fire for a long time. We can only hope she'll end up sharing the same cell with Paris Hilton. I'll tell you what else is prison--sticking your dick in either one of these two skanks. There probably isn't an antidote for the mutant strain of herpes you're sure to catch. I'd rather go down on Rosie O'Donnell than either one of those celebutards--at least all I'd find down there is a loaf of bread, some mustard and a salami.

In an interview with Allure magazine, Lohan said "It's so weird that I went to rehab. I always said I would die before I went to rehab." Of course, she did go to rehab. So, Lindsay, we're waiting...

The end is near...

Holy shit. It seems people have reached new lows. As if America wasn't obese enough, visitors to the lovely Vegas strip are actually renting mobility scooters--like the ones you see in Wal-Mart for the disabled. Normal citizens are renting these bad boys because they don't want to walk on the now-extended strip. The first thing wrong with the guy in the picture is he's wearing a jersey and he's not at a Texas game. Second, it looks like he's about one Krispy Creme away from taking a dirt nap. Every person who comes in to rent one that doesn't have a disability should get a mallet to the kneecap. NOW you're handicapped, ass fuck.

I'm equally annoyed by the people who say they believe it's unethical for healthy, able-bodied people to rent the scooters. Now that's just annoying. These are the same people who don't believe we should keep score for youth sports. In the cnn.com article someone compared it to parking in a handicap spot. One difference--PARKING IN A HANDICAP SPOT IS ILLEGAL!! One girl was shown point to her four-inch heels when asked why she was riding a scooter. How about you stop looking like a whore who will toss your salad for a $20? And then there was some ass clown who said it was immoral and you couldn't pick up chicks in one. Guess whose picture wasn't shown in the article? That's right...it was this guy, who is probably 5'0" and weighs in at a deuce-and-a-half.

Seriously though, America, get off your ass.

Thank you Dungeons and Dragons guy

Is there anyone who doesn't find Jessica Biel simply delicious? She's definitely at the top of my list...of people I'd like to play chess with. Right. Sweet Jebus! If it wasn't for the guys who play Dungeons and Dragons in their parents' basement we wouldn't have someone to surf the web and compile a Top 10 video tribute to America's hottest piece of ass. Thank you stalkers of the world whose last seen vagina was their mothers' as they came out of it. Without you we wouldn't have bad--possibly illegal--thoughts about Jessica Biel running through our heads giving us hard ons throughout the day.

And any pictures of Jessica Biel will be displayed in the largest size possible for your spanking pleasure...

Some help

Some people think my good looks are an indication of my shallow personality. Despite an exterior that is at the same time brooding, mysterious, and sexy I like to pass along little nuggets of wisdom to my fellow man. Stuff magazine has long been a champion of men's rights and in their humanitarian spirit they published this. So the next time you're at the beach with that lovely lady by your side and some AMAZING little piece of booty walks by you'll know the answer to, "what the hell are you looking at?!"

Or you could just do like me and say, "Did you see the jubblies on that chick?!" or "That girl had an ass like a 10-year-old boy!" Some of you may wonder how I could say such things without getting my balls cut off. It's because I'm fearless and have no shame...

Justice is served

This picture is beautiful. You've got Doc Rivers blabbing something idiotic about how the Celtics will be competitive next year. And Danny Ainge has a look on his face that says, "How in the hell did we sign Doc Rivers to an extension?!" That's what happens when you decide to tank your season when things are going bad so you can MAYBE sign Kevin Durant or Greg Oden. Just ask the Memphis Grizzlies who did the same thing only to win their final four games (three of those were playoff teams). Both of those teams of course did not finish one and two and I for one believe they got what they deserved.

Intellectual question

Ladies, you're more than welcome to ponder this great question if you'd like. However, this is more for the "thousands" of men who tune into my blog for the insightful commentary. I believe the picture says it all. What outcome of a cat fight do you prefer? Is it the possibility their clothes might rip off or they'll kiss? I believe this is a question men and Rosie O'Donnell have pondered for years. It's a dilemma alright, but I'd prefer the kissing followed by the ripping of clothing.

Famous people can be pussies

Let me just say I find it humorous when people in the news speak their mind and give answers considered controversial. It's sad when they have to retract those statements by saying they were misquoted or misinterpreted. It's my favorite! Two classic example from the last couple of days are Jimmy Carter and Clinton Portis.

In an article printed in some Arkansas paper, Jimmy Carter responded to a question about Bush by stating, 'I think as far as the adverse impact on the nation around the world, this administration has been the worst in history.'" So now Carter is saying he was comparing Bush to Nixon. Last time I checked there were more than two presidents and Carter wasn't exactly the greatest of all time--more like one of the shittiest. For him to say his statements were careless and misinterpreted are, one, an understatement and, two, way off base. If he wanted to say Bush is an idiot then go ahead. Is he afraid of not being invited to the next ex-Presidents barbecue?!

Clinton Portis was of course the jackass who stated there's nothing wrong with dog fighting and if Vick is arrested he would be cheated. He also says Vick is being targeted because he's famous. The best thing about being famous is it's so easy to catch you when you do stupid shit. Portis said dog fighting is more prevalent than people think. I don't know who he hangs with, but I don't know many people that are all about dog fighting. Portis said dog fights are a prevalent part of life. Raise your hand if you think Portis knows the definition of "prevalent." I didn't think so. Chris Samuels was also laughing about the whole situation during the interview and now both of these guys have apologized for their remarks and both, of course, do not condone dog fighting. Give me a fucking break. These two slap dicks definitely condone dog fighting and have probably been involved in it.

For once I would love to see someone say, "Fuck yeah, I said it. And I'll say it again if you want!" Now that'd be someone with a big pair of balls and who I can respect. That's what I love about Donald Trump--this guy could give a rat's ass what you think.

Immigration in the news

So it seems like there is some headway being made in the continued push for immigration reform. A bipartisan bill is making its way through, which would provide an avenue for the current 12 million illegal immigrants to gain citizenship, create a guest worker program, and boost border protection. For the longest time we have been so careless about our immigration policies and now we are paying the price. I don't know if granting citizenship to the 12 million is the right thing, but are we seriously going to be able to find them all? They're all already here and unless they're committing crimes then let them stay. The drain now is on us, the legal citizens, whose tax dollars get wasted on people who broke the law getting in here.

I believe many of these people are honest, hard-working folks who were looking for a better life. Is there a potential for a lower-class of workers in this country? Very much so. But let me ask you a question. Politicians want to argue these illegal immigrants are stealing jobs from American citizens. So why is it we don't see a large rush of Americans who need jobs heading out to harvest crops or serve as day laborers? Because Americans who could use the jobs think it's beneath them or the work is too hard. When I see the guys looking for work over in the day laborer parking lot (there's one near the house in DC) I know they're at least doing something about their situation. How about we take those jackasses on welfare milking the government and send them out to toil under the sun? Chris Rock said it best when he noted a single mother with three kids working two jobs hates a woman on welfare.

I heard someone today say companies should be punished for hiring illegal aliens. Let me tell you that if companies don't hire these folks they'd be screwed because I don't think people would take the jobs. Companies would take the fines and keep paying them because they'll keep hiring illegals as much as they keep coming across the border. But God forbid these people should become citizens and be entitled to minimum wage. Then the companies would be in trouble.

Satellite radio is the shit

I'm a big music guy (a post for a later day), but lately I got sick and tired of local radio stations. It's the same crap played over and over again with only the current hits getting any airtime. When I was living in Montgomery, AL there were serious issues with music selection and variety. It was either country, R&B, Top 40, or Jesus. So how do you get around that shit? Satellite radio.

I've had Sirius going on about 4 years now and I couldn't be happier. There's nothing like driving across the country and never having to change the radio station. You can get just about any kind of music you want and can even view who is playing so you can flip around to hear what you want when you want.

I get all the sports I want, too. I can listen to any NFL game I want. Each team's local broadcast teams can be heard. You can listen to NASCAR including listening in on some of the different teams. They have major college sports broadcasts for football, baseball (some), and basketball. It's great for me to listen to Auburn football games and hear the Golden Flake and Ziegler ads during the commercial breaks. It's like a little piece of home wherever I go.

And then of course there's Howard Stern. I used to listen to him when I was living in Charleston, SC and it was great stuff. After I moved I couldn't pick him up and wasn't that concerned. Maybe I thought I'd matured, but you can ask anyone and that's obviously bullshit. His show is UNREAL! It's totally uncensored and you've got some great guests, awesome chemistry with the crew, and hilarious moments. There's nothing like listening to Eric the Midget trying to have phone sex with Brandy Talore. And if you haven't heard pornstars like Jenna Jameson riding the Sybian and showing her "O" face on the air. Two words: daddy like...

*Disclaimer: My wife told me to say I find this type of entertainment vulgar, inappropriate and demeaning to women. And that I should be ashamed of myself. (She's going to kill me when she reads this)

Work blows

What is it sometimes about work that puts you into a funk? I guess when it's in the mid-70s and sunny outside and you're busy dealing with stupid bullshit inside it's tough to not be bitter. It's always funny when people talk about how people not in the military think we work so hard all the time. Let me tell ya--that shit isn't true. There are days I check and re-check the same websites over and over again as if some earth-shattering news is going to appear on my millionth visit. It's nice to be able to have a beer in the office at the end of the day after taking a 90-minute lunch. I can't say I know what it's like to work in the private sector, but I wonder if it's sometimes a coma-inducing. At least there you get fired for poor performance. In the military we'll carry your sorry ass until we can let you go because unless you broke the law, being a piece of shit just isn't an excuse.

I'll tell you how bad I hate my job. Sometimes I wonder if a minor fender bender wouldn't be such a bad thing. Maybe enough to put me out for a few days. Nothing serious, but sometimes I could use the break. How about waking up one morning with a little temporary paralysis or nasty flu bug. I'd rather lay in bed and develop bed sores than have to come into the office. I know, I know...I'm a mess.

By the way, next time you weren't at work (because you were hungover or just didn't feel like going) and someone asks, but you don't want to tell the truth because it means you're in trouble, try my favorite excuse. When someone asks tell them you had some violent diarrhea and you spent the night shitting out your intestines. You aren't sure what it was, but you swear you lost about half your body weight. I don't think Mr/Ms Nosy is going to be checking in with you again when you tell them you were blowing ass and permanently coating the inside of your toilet with fecal matter. Just a thought...

Why God?

Every once in a while, I think Congress is on the right track. Our elected officials can do some good and get involved in serious issues in order to affect change. Then we get a guy who decides to put his nose into a matter that makes me wonder if these elected officials aren't smoking a j while they surf the internet. If you don't know, Michael Vick has had some run ins as of late including having his home in Virginia raided under suspicions of illegal dog fights on the property. Dog fighting is considered a felony and is a truly despicable thing. Clinton Portis, reportedly a Rhodes scholar, doesn't think it's a big deal and wonders if we shouldn't leave Vick alone. According to an espn.com report, Portis stated, "'If that's what he wants to do, do it. I think people should mind their business.' When told that dog fighting is a felony, Portis replied, 'It can't be too bad of a crime.'" Ummmmm, yeah. Portis must be borderline retarded because a felony is kind of a big deal.

So I don't want to go to far off tangent, but here's the thing that gets to me. U.S. Rep. Tom Lantos (D-Calif.) said the NFL and commissioner Roger Goodell should "act swiftly and forcefully" and the government will get involved if the matter isn't brought to a satisfactory resolution. What? Aren't there more important things to deal with right now than some of the stupidity these guys get worked up about? Dog fighting is a shitty thing, but in the grand scheme of things is it really so bad the government needs to get involved? How about working on this gas issue? The supplemental defense budget? I don't know if Lantos is trying to get some free pub for himself or win over some constituents, but give me a break dude! There's a little something called the legal system to deal with Michael Vick. If this story doesn't make it on TV jerkoff politicians wouldn't give a shit.

Justin Timberlake is a wizard

I don't know if J-Tim made a deal with the devil or if his nickname is tripod, but whatever it is the guy is pulling down some serious trim. I think at some point he might have to retire or give his dick a break. First, he's laying the pipe in Britney Spears. As if through some clairvoyant awakening he dumps her before she becomes a fat, bald, dumpy terd. He had that thing with Cameron Diaz for a while, which I simply chalk up to the fact she could probably suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Then he dumps her ass and starts being seen with Scarlett Johansson who is a nice--and reportedly easy--piece of ass. wwtdd.com says, "Honestly, is there anyone in Hollywood Scarlett Johansson hasn’t slept with yet. I bet she just flips through People magazine and thinks, 'Oh hey…I swallowed that guys sperm once…'" But whatever, if he got to see those fun bags more power to him. And in case you've finally regained your eyesight after looking at Jessica Biel's sweet caboose (top photo) then you've realized he's now tagging that! There were some pics I found of the two shopping in London, but why put up something like that when I can throw up a photo of what is any guy's new dream position with Jessica Biel?!

Another Bengal gets arrested

Some things are simply inevitable. Death, taxes, Paris Hilton giving you herpes, and a Cincinnati Bengal getting arrested. AJ Nicholson was arrested and charged with domestic assault. This isn't the first time this guy has been in trouble with the law. Just after being drafted he was busted for breaking into a former teammate's apartment and he was also suspended from the 2006 Orange Bowl for violating team rules. It appears this latest run-in will violate the 2 years' probation he was already under for the B&E in Tallahassee. How stupid do you have to be to get drafted and then decide you're going to break into someone's home? Buy your own shit, you fuck! It's gotten to the point now that espn.com says Nicholson is one of six players selected in the 2005 and 2006 drafts to be arrested. The Bengals are like the Patriots of felons in the NFL. Now that Roger Goodell is in charge of the NFL I could see a suspension coming this guy's way and he deserves it. It's a good thing these guys play for the Bengals because at least they're used to the dayglo orange, which is the color of the jumpsuits they'll be wearing in prison. The NFL's got a great product and these jackasses are fucking it up. Being an NFL player is a privilege, not a right, and it's about time someone is taking a stand against these fuck ups.

Craziness at Framingham State College!

During a lacrosse game at Framingham State in Massachusetts some ladies decided to show their support for a friend by wearing some little hip hugger shorts and painting a message on their stomachs. Apparently a photo was taken and made the front page of the newspaper. A couple of the girls thought they looked fat and decided to swipe a few hundred copies of the campus paper rather than let their classmates see them. Let me say right here that if they looked fat in the photo it's because they were. I don't know of a reason why the words "fat chicks" and "women's lacrosse" shouldn't be related. Is there nothing better to do than watch a women's lacrosse game in Framingham, AM anyways? It's college, which means these girls should be waking up hungover wondering why their poopers are sore.

Wolfowitz stepping down?!

So Paul Wolfowitz has agreed to step down as head of the World Bank. The controversy revolves around a series of pay increases given to a World Bank employee who just so happens to be his girlfriend, pictured above the pic of Wolfowitz. CNN.com described her as "an Oxford-educated Arab Muslim feminist in her early 50s." I figured she had to be either a feminist or the "guy" in a lesbian couple because she is one ugly chick. I guess Wolfwowitz is still arguing that he didn't do anything even though he's been banging this chick for a while and he is the head of the entire bank. The World Bank has agreed to say he did nothing ethically wrong, but if it means getting rid of this jackass they'd give him two tickets to Mexico to watch the donkey show. You just can't go around sticking your dick in your employees and expect to get away unscathed (read--Bill Clinton). It's all about perception and these raises (a promotion to a tax-free $194K annual salary no less) certainly would've raised a stink. It's very similar to how I'm sometimes not taken seriously at work because I'm so good looking and people think I get away with murder at the job...right.

Sweet fancy moses!

I'm going to mention something here and before you jump to any conclusions hear me out. I was watching a bit of Dancing with the Stars Monday--my wife watches it--when one of the couples hopped out there to do their dance. OMFG!! Ono is probably gay, but if the girl was it'd make her all that much hotter. Thankfully for most of us, and by that I mean the single guys out there, she's straight and actually legal. I'm talking Julianne Hough and she is SO fine, people! If you go to YouTube (here, specifically) and watch the performance from Monday night then you'll understand. You can watch others, but I'd never really noticed other than the fact she was good looking. I think if the Mormons up in Utah saw her shaking her ass like this (moves I haven't seen--I mean, heard about--since the Vegas strip clubs) they'd boot her out of the religion. It's a sin to probably think bad thoughts here, but count me as a sinner, baby!! Check out the video and if you don't get a rise out of it then check your pants because your dick must've fallen off somewhere.

Some bathroom etiquette

What a better place to put an article about bathroom etiquette than right on top of a story about Lindsay Lohan? After all, I'm sure she's enjoyed her share of Dirty Sanchezes. Some of these are generally accepted guy rules and others may not have been talked about and yet they're instinctively followed. This could be an eye opener for the ladies, too, and provide for some insight into the world of man. Let's talk about going #1 first and then we'll get to the fun stuff.

All guys know there are johns on the wall when you go to public restrooms. Unless there are only two of these, you should always provide a one-john buffer zone between you and another pisser. It's just common courtesy and could keep you from getting your ass kicked. If at all possible make sure you get the end with the big boy john and not the children's size that'll result in piss all over your sandals--not cool, people.

Unless you're good friends, you shouldn't be talking to the guy next to you. And even then conversation should be kept to a minimum. The guy next to you could be trying to check out your package, determine your preference, or is blitzed out of his mind. This goes the same for walking in with a friend and he goes in to do #2. This happened to me once and the guy wouldn't shut up. It's embarrassing when someone else walks in and you're talking about career options with a guy sawing the third leg off the stool.

If you are over 70 or younger than 5 (since I don't have a child, yet, I can't be sure of the age), there's no reason you should be taking a piss with your pants and underwear down around your ankles. Nobody in the men's room wants to see your hairy ass and is a sure-fire way of getting your ass kicked. My buddy walked into a McDonalds bathroom and right in front of him was a senior citizen pulling his pants up in the middle of the bathroom. The guy gave him a smile, which could be construed as a myriad of signals.

Another that gets on my nerves when I'm in the office and applies to both #1 and #2, make sure you flush the toilet. Is there anything else more simple? Use your boot or an elbow, but for God's sake don't leave a surprise for the next guy. Chances are there are more germs on your phone and keyboard than on that toilet handle you've got to tug on for a second.

Now if you're taking a grumpy there are some rules here as well. For the uninitiated, guys will talk about how bad they have to go if there was a mean shit they took when it's just a bunch of guys together. Sometimes it's almost like a badge of honor. Anyways, this is what goes, but that's when you're "outside the wire."

When you're dropping trow, you don't want to sound like you're powerlifting 500 pounds. It's a little disturbing and there's a chance you'll end up with one of your balls down by your ankle. We all know you're in there doing your thing--no need to advertise it.

Unless you really have to go, I wouldn't walk right into the stall if someone else is in bathroom and makes visual contact. There's just something strange and it's like an unwritten rule because now someone knows you're the one about to make the bathroom a hot zone. Just go ahead and pick a john and at least pretend to go #1 while the other guy finishes up.

Now if you're already in the stall making a deposit, you should wait until all people have exited the bathroom before you walk out. Even if it means you have to sit on the pot with your pants pulled up you should wait. There just doesn't seem to be anything more unsettling than making eye-to-eye contact with someone coming in to use the facilities. It's like your friend walking in on you with the 250-pound fug, unibrow girl getting it on. Guys can talk about it, but only after the fact and when it's outside of the bathroom.

I don't make these up; I just make the observations is all. One last thing about using the bathroom which some might question, but I believe it's a good tip for my fellow men. I read in a magazine it's harder to fall back asleep if you go to the bathroom and turn on the light. They say if you pull up the toilet seat and then quickly flick the light on and then off you will see the outline and can piss into the circle. If you're married, though, you might forget to drop the lid so why not just take a seat and enjoy your leak? You're tired enough from sleeping so why stand any more than you have to? Think about it...

THIS is Maxim's #1 in their Hot 100?!

You might be wondering, "why the sarcastic remark?" about Lindsay Lohan based on the picture to the right. If you've seen pictures of Lindsay recently then you know she looks absolutely nothing like the picture that was taken to publicize "Mean Girls." She was, by the way, incredibly hot in that movie and I, along with every male who could get wood, was counting down the days until her 18th birthday. Many a straight man couldn't wait to lay some pipe in that! She had a great body and a rack you could lay your head on and take a nap. Then something happened and she became this strung out, alcoholic who went to rehab to supposedly get people off her back. She's looking haggard nowadays with her continuous drinking and drugging. I bet this girl's vagina looks like a bear trap these days and you could probably drive a Mack truck through her dookie chute. I'm thinking guys are obsessed with her because all you need to do is flash a little coke in her face and she'll be on her knees milking your prostate in no time at all. With so many hot little pieces of booty on the list just behind her (Ali Larter, Jessica Biel, Christina Aguilera) how was it this flake ascended to the top spot. The only question about Lindsay Lohan is when she's going to die, which at her current pace should be some time before the end of the year.

A great article

I came across this article while going through the Early Bird, which is a .mil site that compiles articles from various publications in regards to the Defense Department. Anyways, the article is from US News & World Report and I thought it was something everyone should have the opportunity to read, but may not necessarily find it. As a member of the military I believe what I do is a noble thing--maybe the noblest of things: to be willing to lay down your life in defense of your country. It certainly doesn't feel like that's what I'm doing most days, but this is the basis of why it is I serve. That and I believe we are all called to certain paths in our lives and those of us that do serve, whether for 4 years or 40 it doesn't matter because there are those of us in this country who do not and there's nothing wrong with that. But keep in mind it is a great thing we do. So when I have to deal with some idiotic, annoying issue at work and then read a story like the one below things are put back in perspective. I know it's long, but please take the time to read it and get an understanding of life over in the desert right now. People throw around the word hero a lot these days and I would tell you most of the people that come back don't consider themselves to be heroes--maybe just the lucky ones. And I would tell you if SSG Griffin were alive today he wouldn't say he was either. But those of us that serve certainly do--he paid the ultimate sacrifice and for that we should all be thankful.

I actually got an email back from the author, Alex Kingsbury, thanking me for posting the article. It's really me who should be thanking him for writing such a great piece. With more articles like this we win more and more support for our troops and hopefully put pressure on Congress to pass a funding bill with the understanding it only helps maintain and improve our capabilities. Thanks to Alex, I have a link that I'm going to post on here instead of the entire article, but I'll leave the first paragraph up to give you an idea. Please go read the article!

If you click on the title of the article, you can go to the page and read it in its entirety.

E-Mails Reveal A Fallen Soldier's Story

By Alex Kingsbury

Four days before his death, Army Staff Sgt. Darrell Ray Griffin Jr., an infantry squad leader in Baghdad, sent an E-mail to his wife, Diana. "Spartan women of Greece used to tell their husbands, before they went into battle, to come back with their shields or laying on them, dying honorably in battle. But if they did not return with their shield, this showed that they ran away from the battle. Cowardice was not a Spartan virtue... Tell me that you love me the same by me coming back with my shield or on it."

A few days later, Diana replied. "Are you ok??? I haven't heard from you since Sunday and it is now Wednesday... I know you said you were going on a dangerous mission... I get so nervous when I don't hear from you... phone call or e-mail... I just hope and pray your ok honey... "

It was an E-mail Griffin would never read.

Some food rules

My wife thinks of me as being a bit "particular" about my choice of foods. This is just a nice way of saying I'm a picky eater, which is true. My response is that I didn't get the body I have by eating some nasty vegetables. I've developed certain tastes and some rules about what you can eat and when. Part of these were because of my childhood growing up in a Puerto Rican household. You could say my parents were old school and so we normally ate home cooked meals, which were great. This kind of grew my preferences though and so let's get started.

First, just because the milk has an expiration date of, say, 15 May, doesn't mean it will suddenly get lumpy and go sour on that date. I'm not saying you can go another week, but having milk on the day or day after the expiration is fine. I've gone a bit longer than that and I haven't gotten sick although I will say there's a certain tanginess to it.

Second, ketchup does not belong on eggs...period. My wife does this all the time and I can't stand it because I think it's just seriously gross. This is tantamount to grilling up a perfectly seasoned steak and someone dumps A1 sauce on it before even trying it out. Give the damn thing a chance, you jackass!

Third, certain foods are specific to certain meals and temperatures. Breakfast is universal meaning you can eat anything on a breakfast menu any time during the day. Pizza and fried chicken shouldn't be consumed by anyone until lunch time. A steak is for dinner or some fancy lunch, but not with eggs during breakfast. While this isn't a hard and fast rule, foods that should be consumed hot should be eaten when they're hot. Soups are meant to be piping hot. That chicken and pizza? Heat that shit up--why would you eat that when it's cold--before you put it in your mouth.

I'm sure this will break most people's bubble, but the Olive Garden isn't the epitome of Italian food. It's edible, but not anything you should go out of your way to eat.

Okay, I think those are good for now, but just a couple of things to think about.

Continuing the man observations

So I wrote a while back about guys picturing girls naked and since the wife hasn't read it yet and banned me from posting about such topics I thought I'd touch on it and some other subjects. Sometimes during a conversation and, depending on the mood, we may even zone out because we are picturing you talking to us naked at that very moment. It's a natural thing that happens and if a guys says it's not true then he's lying. Even if it's a fleeting thought it's still there. I was perusing some of the internet sites out there and came across one that showed a bunch of pictures of girls kissing--this is also a very desirable thought for a man. Sometimes we wonder if two of our female friends kissed what it would be like. Again, a natural thing. And I'm not talking about seeing this in a movie or something you had to pay to see somewhere. I have personally seen this happen and was no more than two feet away. Ladies and gentlemen, let me just say it's a magnificent sight to behold when two attractive women lock lips as they're rooted on with the hopes of something more "intimate" happening. I'm guessing it's how people must have felt when we landed on the moon or something like that...

What could've been...

My friends know that I am a HUGE sports fan. You name the sport and I've watched it at least once. Being an SEC alum of Auburn University (America's greatest university), I am of course partial to college football. There aren't many Saturdays during the fall where you'll find me out and about. With college football on just about every station now I can be on the couch from College Gameday to the final whistle of the last west coast game (normally a Hawaii game, which I support since they are my wife's alma mater). And while I love to talk about college football, there's one sport I could spend hours talking and listening about: baseball. Maybe it's the tremendous history and the romanticism of the game, but it's easily my favorite sport to debate.

So to that end, Ken Griffey, Jr. hit his 569th home run of his career, which puts him in a tie for 9th all time with Rafael "keep that B-12 shot away from me" Palmeiro. According to the Elias sports bureau, "he is batting .432 with five home runs over his past 10 games. It's the first time in his eight seasons with the Reds that Junior has hit at least that many homers with such a high batting average over a 10-game span. He last did that in May 1999 with Seattle." It's that last part that is a little sad and at the same time impressive. When Ken Griffey went to Cincinatti he was arguably the greatest hitter in baseball and was on his way to being in the top 10 greatest players in history. He had (and still has) one of the most beautiful swings I've ever seen. Unfortunately, injuries derailed his career and he hasn't been the same player since.

Now the impressive thing is even with all of the injuries he is currently 9th all time in home runs. Let's go back a bit and take a look at Griffey when he signed his contract with the Reds (I'm not Elias so I can't get as fancy, but if you use www.baseball-reference.com and mlb.com you can get some great information). In his career up to that point, he had played in 1535 games, scored 1,063 runs, had 1,742 hits, 398 home runs, batting .297 with a .563 slugging percentage, a .379 on-base percentage and an OPS of .943. So now that I've inundated you with his totals during his first 11 seasons (one of which, 1995, he only played in 72 games), he was averaging 140 games played, 97 runs scored, getting 158 hits, and 36 home runs. Since going to Cincy he as played in fewer than 110 games in 5 of his 8 seasons with 2005 being the only year he got close to his HR average (35).

So let's say Griffey had stayed healthy and was in his 19th season. Assuming he had maintained his average during his first 11 years, Griffey would have played in 2,549 games, scored 1761 runs, had 2,875 hits, and belted 654 homers. On the all time lists, those numbers would have him T-39 for games played, 20th in runs scored, 38th in hits, and 5th in home runs. If he'd maintained the smae pace for his slugging (.563) and OPS (.943) percentages he'd be T-18 and 29th, respectively. Had he stayed healthy Ken Griffey, Jr. would easily be within reach of breaking Barry Bonds' all-time home run record (we all know it's a matter of time on Barry being the home run king). There's no doubt in my mind Ken Griffey, Jr. is a lock for the halll of fame, but he could've been one of the all-time greats if injuries hadn't hampered his career.

Next time we'll take a look at A-Rod and the insane numbers he is putting up and where would stand in terms of Barry Bonds and the record book because I believe A-Rod, if he stays healthy, will be the greatest hitter in baseball when it's all said and done.

Al Sharpton=Don Imus?

Anyone who actually believes Al Sharpton is the shining symbol for tolerance in the country should have their head examined. I've said this guy is nothing more than a two-faced ambulance chaser. There isn't a better example of his two sides than the comments he made during a debate in New York. During the debate, he stated, "As for the one Mormon running for office, those that really believe in God will defeat him anyway, so don't worry about that. That's a temporary situation." Now when I first read the story last night and saw Sharpton's remarks and thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, you've got to be an idiot to make such a statement. Well after listening to the comments quite a few times today there is no doubt in my mind these were stupid comments by a stupid man. How are these comments any different than the ones made by Don Imus? Whatever the intent or the context, it was said and was harmful to a segment of society. Why is it Al Sharpton never comes on to a radio show or television program to explain himself? How about we gather a bunch of Mormons in Salt Lake City for a press conference and talk about the hurt caused by Sharpton's comments? Why does it seem people don't come to the defense of Mormons as vigorously as they did the Rutgers women's basketball team? Could it be people don't want to be accused of being racist or stereotyping black people? If you're a presidential candidate you have to cringe at the thought of this asswipe endorsing you as a candidate. I'm sure he does plenty of good, but idiotic statements like the one he made are certainly much more harmful to anything positive he does and continue to paint him as a caricature.

Houses passes war funding measure

So the House has passed a revised measure that funds the war until July, at which time a review will be made of the progress of the war. If acceptable funding would continue until the end of the fiscal year. The proposal now goes to the Senate, which has said (both Democrats and Republicans) such a measure will not pass the President's desk. I can understand the need for some type of consequences in order to motivate the Iraqi government to make some strides rather than deciding to take a summer break. We don't want to be throwing our money away for what's become a frivolous pursuit. However, as a member of the military I find it appalling our senators/representatives are holding up a measure that is critical to the success of our military operations in Iraq. Every day this is held up is another day our armed forces can't provide adequate training, implement quality of life improvements, procure new equipment, or fix the weapons systems we've got now (which, by the way, is deteriorating at a much faster rate than military estimates). The Air Force has gone so far as to say military pay could be affected (a hollow threat is you ask me). But keep in mind cuts are being taken from other services' budgets in order to fund the Army's fight because there isn't enough in the budget. I understand why it's being done and the fact politicians are holding up crucial funding to our warfighters in order to make some kind of statement or position themselves for runs at the presidency makes me sick to my stomach.

Just a smidge of reality

From time to time I'll post a little somethin'-somethin' to delight my tens of readers with a small dose of life as a man sees it. This may sometimes anger the women who read it and even piss off the gents who read it because I'm giving away secrets. Don't worry because I'm sure when my wife reads it she won't be too happy about it, but what are you going to do? Such is life. So we've been having some conversations in the office about guy tendencies and habits and we ran across something every guy does, but may not admit. I'm talking about the ladies and the images that sometimes can run through a guy's head. Here's the thing: many guys will picture their female friends or strangers naked at least one time. Sometimes the image is a delightful one and at other times you want to wash your brain out with some bleach. But let's just say it happens more often than not. It could even be someone you just happen to walk by on the street or in the office. So, ladies the next time a guy is looking at you with glassy eyes it could be he's imagining you in your skivvies or even less. Don't worry though; unless the guy is Jack the Ripper he's just indulging a little primal urge.

Curt Schilling? Yep, still an asshole.

I'm simply "amazed" Schilling would back off of his comments. What a slapdick! This guy is a serious piece of work. I look over his apology on his blog and I'm going, 'okay, this is cool' because he's telling everyone there's no excuse for what he said and then I get to the part where he states, "I'd love to tell you I was ambushed, misquoted, misinterpreted, something other than what it was, but I wasn't," he wrote. "I'm thinking that waking up at 8:30 a.m. to do the weekly interview we do with WEEI is probably not the greatest format and if you heard the interview it's not hard to realize that I'm usually awake about 30-45 seconds before it begins. Ummm, that sounds like an excuse to me. Why even include something like this? All it shows is that your apology is completely insincere bullshit. Now we know exactly how you feel, jerk off.

Wow...

First off let me say I've enlarged this picture so that anyone who wants a clear mental image before they rub one out can do so. I'm trying to figure out who to blame for not informing me of this back in 2005. Jessica Biel is at the top of my list for celebrities who I would--well, you know... I think I would probably cry tears of joy if I saw her in the buff and if you don't have the same reaction it means you're either a woman or gay--you know what, I strike that last statement. This girl has got to have some crossover appeal if you ask me. My wife will say she's a slut, which to me means less effort on my part and that's not a bad thing at all. In the words of George Costanza, "I would give up red meat to see you naked."

The Joker has been spotted!

I think Batman really has his hands full now. Is this a real picture? It looks like Jessica Simpson was on speed when she put on her makeup. Or she could've been one of the extras for the "Black Hole Sun" video. Either way, this is a serious no-no for a major league piece of ass like her. Jessica Simpson would look hot in a potato sack so why she feels the need to look like she's trying to land the Mr. Ed role is beyond me.

Curt Schilling is an asshole

Durring a radio interview on WEEI, Curt Schilling was asked about Barry Bonds and whether or not he deserved to break the home run record. He stated, "I mean, he admitted that he used steroids...I mean, there's no gray area. He admitted to cheating on his wife, cheating on his taxes, and cheating on the game..." I'm not saying I think Barry Bonds is innocent, but you can't go around making personal attacks against a person. I don't even remember Barry Bonds admitting he took steroids--I believe he said that if he did it was unknowingly. Now I don't necessarily buy that...the guy's head looks like a damn giant candy apple. But to throw in the stuff about admitting to cheating on his wife and cheating on taxes? That's pretty low. I guess it shouldn't come as a big surprise since no one in sports is more in love with themselves than this jackass. If you've never heard his interview with Dan Patrick about Schilling's performance after the bloody sock game you should try to find it. It's a true classic. He's a legend, man; just ask him and he'll be glad to tell you. Schilling lambastes the media for needing to be accurate in their reporting (this was after the whole fake bloody sock incident) and then he shoots off at the mouth when he doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. The same thing happened when he testified in Congress when he simply attacked Canseco and his book, which now seems like a pretty credible tome about steroid use in the big leagues. Please, Curt Schilling, for the love of God shut your mouth before you make an even bigger ass of yourself!

America's skank at it again

Why does this mentally handicapped piece of monkey crap continue to get press? Now she's got a petition to the Arnold on her MySpace page asking people to sign it in order to keep her out of prison. Apparently there's a separate petition on www.ipetitions.com that asks people to sign it if they want to see her privileged ass in the slammer. Cnn.com has a video that discusses why there is such a large appeal when it comes to Paris despite the fact she is a waste of flesh. I think it's because every mid-30s guy who lives at home and plays D&D figures he's got a chance with a girl who gives it up like it was growing on trees. And there have to be plenty of girls who are looking to become drunk, racist whores and God knows Paris Hilton is the great example. How her family sticks by her is amazing. Papa Hilton should send this skanky piece of trash off to some island so she's never heard from again. Wouldn't that be great?

Sports' next crybaby?

If you ask me, Donovan McNabb could be turning into the next crybaby star. I read this article on espn.com and I can't believe the shit that comes out of McNabb's mouth. What does he expect the Eagles to do when you suffer huge injuries to such an unimportant area as your lower body?! This is a business, jerkoff, so suck it up and go out there considering you're the starting quarterback when you get back. McNabb said he was "shocked" the Eagles used a second round pick on a QB. I'm shocked somebody let him open his mouth. Despite the fact McNabb says he's going to play many more years, leg injuries don't exactly prolong many careers. Maybe instead of doing Campbells Chunky Soup commercials he should do some baby formula spots with his mom feeding him with a cute little baby bottle.

A sports recap

It's been a while since I wrote something sports-related so I thought I'd recap some things from late last week and over the weekend.

First, I watched the bout between De La Hoya and Mayweather. It was a good fight, but certainly not a great one. Mayweather won a split decision, which was a bit strange to me since I thought Mayweather won easily (even if I was hoping for the Golden Boy to beat him senseless). Mayweather's speed and defense were phenomenal. The way this guy rolls his left shoulder to absorb blows is uncanny. His stamina is second-to-none...the guy didn't look any different in the 12th round. I've always been impressed by the guy so it's no surprise he came out on top. De La Hoya's defense was very good and I thought his strategy was pretty sound. The problem was he didn't execute it often enough. He needed to continue to use the jab and press the issue. Even if he didn't land many of the punches cleanly it would've meant he was pressing the issue and dictating the pace of the fight. When he did it he was on, but the rest of time he just gave Mayweather time to take clean shots. While I paid for this one I just don't see a rematch coming anywhere close to the hype of the first fight. If you want another possible great fight make sure you tune in next month to the Miguel Cotto-Zab Judah fight in Madison Square Garden.

Is anyone really surprised Dirk Nowitzki fizzled during the playoffs. Aside from game 5 he was completely worthless. There's an NBA commercial that runs on ABC where several superstars are counting down the clock as they try the game winner. Good thing they don't show the Dirk piece for long because he'd definitely clank it off the rim. It'd take too many takes to get the shot to fall. The guy is just too soft and doesn't have the cajones to put the team on his back. For all the criticisms of Kobe at least he's willing to do what it takes to win games even if it means completely blowing off his teammates.


Does anyone else think Jeff Van Gundy looks like he's contracted the plague and will drop dead at any minute? It looks like he was down in the Amazon and when he came back his hair fell out and grew a giant tumor on the top of his head.

Thank God

It's about time one of these privileged jackasses are going to jail. I am of course talking about Paris Hilton, who was sentenced to 45 days in jail for being a no-talent ass clown. Or is it because she was driving with a suspended license and has had previous stops related to her vehicle. This girl is famous for giving up the booty at every opportunity. I wouldn't bang Paris Hilton with Osama bin Laden's dick. No man deserves to have his jimmy fall off. You want to talk about a set of bacon strips--yeesh. Trying to bang Paris is like throwing a hot dog down a hallway. Her orifices never found a cock they didn't like. It's enough to make me want to throw up in my mouth, which is a much more pleasant image than that skanky, fug bitch naked. I'm happy to see the judge wasn't buying her whole shtick. In fact, I heard she showed up late to her own hearing and was seen talking with people during the proceedings. This whore has absolutely no respect and I can only hope some deuce-and-a-half bull dyke makes Paris her new play thing. Arrivederci, shit bag.

A little pissed-off potpourri

So just a couple of things to pass along that I noticed today, one which seems like a waste of time and the other that shows how we love to overreact about everything these days.

The first one is something I noticed, which aired tonight. On NBC they decided to run a special called "Barbaro: A Nation's Horse". This is obviously a pretty shitty and blatant attempt to make some money and keep people watching after coverage of the Kentucky Derby. Let me say this because it's something people have been thinking for long enough--nobody gives a shit. I didn't give a shit after the horse got hurt and I'm sure most gamblers could care less after that unless there were some prop bets on how long the horse would live. The whole coverage of his comeback and how it inspired a nation was seriously laughable. I could care less about an animal and all of the fforts made to save him. How about saving some homeless people or providing medical care to those who can't afford it? But of course those are just too mainstream these days and nobody cares much anymore. Talk about a waste of time. I'm sure anyone that maybe cared about this nag had long forgotten about the death, thought, "hey, a show about that dead horse," and then kept moving up the dial on their television. I'll tell you what the owners of Barbaro should have done--ground up that horse carcass and made some limited edition glue to sell at a premium. Now THAT'S something to get excited about.

The other thing I'm going to rant about is what I saw during my enjoyment of the Wachovia Championship today (you don't want to miss the final round because it should be awesome and I hope that piece of shit Rory Sabbatini folds like a cheap hooker that just got punched in the stomach by her pimp). There was a news break and the story mentioned dealt with the possibility of a major problem with alcohol in the major leagues in the wake of the Josh Hancock death. Now what happened was tragic, but as I understand it he was legally drunk and talking on his cell phone at the time of his death. I'm not here to argue about what happened, but rather the opportunity news agencies take by sensationalizing this type of issue by throwing something out about a possibly major problem. Here's a tip--people die from drunk driving a good bit. It's a societal problem not a sports one. This happened with the whole campus security issue after the VA Tech shootings. Let's try to remember tragedies like this happen more often than we'd like to think and yet no one seems to give a shit when it's Joe Smith who gets in an accident. Maybe we should see if there's a major alcohol problem among our super market butchers...

Easy, cowboy

According to an article in the Las Vegas Review-Journal, a university regent for UNLV is proposing university employees be deputized and authorized to carry weapons. Everyone from the president to the maintenance personnel would be allowed to carry concealed weapons in plain clothes. They wouldn't respond to any incident on campus, but only those they witness. I don't know about you, but I remember some of the janitorial and maintenance workers at Auburn and let's just say I wouldn't put a gun anywhere near these people. Half of them looked like they were keeping more than a couple of dead bodies under their house.

And how many of these people have undergone psychological evaluation? I think if employees were given the authority to carry weapons there'd be plenty who of the unstable ones who would certainly be knocked off the list. I don't want some recluse literature professor holstering a 44-magnum during his dissertation on Shakespeare. Or what about the weird cleaning guy who's been talked down to and made fun of by the idiot frat boys? Do you really want these people providing protection?

I'm not saying there wouldn't be those who would know what to do, but I'm weirded out by the thought of some incompetent jackass who gets a weapons certification once a year firing into a crowded classroom trying to pick off one perpetrator. Now there's a wonderful PR nightmare for a university when they have to answer why Mr. and Mrs. Smith's innocent daughter was killed by Professor Plum.

Not much going on

Not too much for me to really rant and rave about at the moment, but in order to meet the terms of my lucrative blog contract I'd better post a little something for my tens of readers out there. So let's quickly talk a little bit about the "pussification of america." It's what I call the moronic push to be TOO PC in this country. Like everyone is a sensitive sap ready to explode at the first hint of being offended. I of course can't believe what this world is coming too. First, we can't have people saying Merry Christmas anymore because someone who doesn't believe in God (or Christ) might be offended. So people go around saying "Happy Holidays" instead even though we all know what they mean.

Second, what's the deal with not keeping score during little kids' sporting events/competitions? Seems to me like there's no way to know if you need to improve. And here's a hint, everyobody knows which kids suck ass whether you keep stats for them or not. When I was a kid I hated to lose--it drove me to do better and to get that shitty taste out of my mouth. You'd have to be a moron to not want the enjoyment you receive from beating an opponent. Who wouldn't want to be the guy that sinks the winning basket, kicks the game-winning goal, or makes the game-saving catch? No reason why people can't feel disappointment. It's healthy to feel these emotions.

I could go on, but then you wouldn't have the pleasure of checking back in with me now and again to see what I'm up to. Here's the thing--we can't be sheltered little weaklings for our entire lives. What happens when these kids who are protected their entire lives suddenly are thrust out into the real world? Think about it...