Golf pet peeves

I love golf--a LOT. It's my favorite thing outside of spending quality time with my wife. It's great to get outside and walk 18 holes with your friends just hanging out. Rain, shine, cold, hot--doesn't matter to me so long as I can get out on the links. I normally play on Andrews Air Force Base, which is affordable but you get a lot of players. Some can be good and others not so much. I'm not some kind of snob that only plays with good players--because I'm not very good. What I have a problem with are players who don't know the basic rules and simple etiquette. So the following is a list of my pet peeves:

1. Fix your damn divots on the greens! Common courtesy says you should fix your own divot plus two others. I wonder if I was playing some swanky course would you find so many divots. I fork over my hard-earned money to be a member and it gets on my nerve when people can't even fix one divot. The worst is when the same people who don't fix their divots complain about the messed up greens. Get a clue, ass fuck!

2. When I'm swinging try not to make loud noises. My buddy Bo and I were paired up with these two guys. Right in the middle of my downswing he decides to change clubs by smacking them together. It's not like I'm some pro, but a little common sense goes a long way. Those guys that day were brutal.

3. Keep up. I hate slow play. I don't try to blaze through a round like I'm setting a world record, but I play at a nice pace. When you get to double par it's time to pick up your ball and move on to the next round. I can't stand somebody who plays three balls when there's a group behind us. If I'm a single and catch up to you with no one in front of your group, let me through. If you want someone pushing you the rest of the round I'll do it because you were already the ass clown for not letting me play ahead.

4. Be honest with your game. I'm not impressed by some guy who talks shit about his game. I'm even less impressed by someone who claims they're a single-digit guy and ends up being some high handicapper. Just play your damn game and be out there to enjoy the day.