06 July 2007

Chicks in the sack

We all love women and we all think about what they'd be like in the sack. It's just a fact of life really. Some things we know. For instance, a big girl is normally going to be pretty dirty when it comes to the love making. Not because she necessarily wants to, but because she has to in order to keep a man. Before you get on me about this, blame nature and Darwin. I'm just a messenger, people. My buddy, Bo Derek, and I like to judge women on their sexual personalities. We base this purely on looks and what a girl is wearing. Our studies show a 99% accuracy rate. I'm going to show some pictures and then give you a basic sexual profile of each. You can send me $9.95 for a full copy of the book that goes into a more in-depth analysis.

This is Hillary Duff. Personally, I don't think she looks all that good. She's like Britney Spears without the ball head and bucket of KFC. Anyways, I digress. Hillary is definitely a missionary-only type of girl. It would take a lot to get her to try another position where she isn't flat on her back playing the dead fish role. And by a lot I mean a lot of pills or booze. She might look like she's a whore, but it's the total opposite here.

Mandy Moore here is great. you can tell she will try out some different things, but you're going to have to pull all of the stuffed animals off her bed. She just seems like that kind of chick. You can expect her to do some doggy style and even some cowgirl. But throw in a porn or give this girl the shocker and you're ass is back to holding hands.

Rose McGowan equals dirty. There is nothing this chick hasn't tried or is willing to try and didn't like. If you're looking to get a rim job or have your prostate milked she's for you and will probably bring it up before you do. There's nothing wrong with this chick, but be prepared to possibly suffer a dick sprain at some point from the constant, hot, wild, crazy primal fucking you're about to experience. Chances you're going to be on the receiving end of the schocker before she is.

When you look at this picture you really understand the "If she's old enough to crawl she's in the right position" argument. Jessica Alba is your basic chick except you get a hard on if she breathes near you. She's the kind of girl who dresses up in some sexy little "sleep" outfits for you and probably isn't afraid to give you a little sumthin' sumthin' in the car. You're not going to have some crazy possibly illegal shit happening like with Rose, but you're not going to be disappointed in the least. She'll try some different things with you, but don't expect her to be into everything so if you're thinking about bringing out the nipple clamps make sure she's into that.

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