August 21st can't get here soon enough

I have no idea how to spell this chick's name, but she starts on NBC's "Heroes" and she's a hot piece of ass. Of course she was born August 21, 1989, which means she'll be legal in about three weeks. I'm not naive enough to think this girl hasn't gone down on a guy or two or been given the shocker. But on the 21st every guy can talk freely about giving her a well-deserved mustache ride without being looked at as a sick bastard in need of some thorough psychiatric help.

Star Jones comes clean

So the picture on the left is Star Jones. And the picture on the right is Star Jones. Slight difference, right? Not only did her waistline drop, but her face stopped looking the size of a stop sign. It looks like someone put a mouth and eyes on a frying pan. Soon after she returned from a "leave of absence" from The View, she was suddenly skinny. People insisted she had gastric bypass surgery, but Star maintained she did it through diet and exercise only. Right. Nobody goes from a size 100 to a size 4 (these are generic figures because I have no idea about women's clothes sizes) overnight. Well, Star Jones has finally admitted she did have a little help. Apparently Star was afraid of what people might think if she told them she had the procedure done. Ummmm, I'm sure most people would think you're a fug, stuck up bitch. Which is pretty much what people thought when you were giant tub of monkey crap. This revelation is about as surprising as Rosie O'Donnell finally coming out. It's like we have all of the evidence and we're just wanting the suspect to confess. Maybe it's because no one gives a shit about her and she feels the need to get back in the spotlight again. Give me a break. And if you're thinking, "Man, I'd fuck her now," just remember this chick weighed over 3 bills at some point which means her body looks like lava that's cooled and you can see all of the folds and rolls. I bet you've got a softy now...

Lindsay Lohan is innocent!

You know, when you've got a rack this big it's hard to not think she's innocent. Of course, she's at it again and is saying she wasn't doing drugs--she was holding them for someone. I can believe that because if there's one thing Lindsay does hold it's lots of guy's sperm. I bet her crotch looks like like a fluffernutter with the sperm bank worth of baby batter she's got crammed up there. At least she's not trying to get out of the fact she was boozing it up considering her blood alcohol was .12.

Legal experts are saying she should tell the judge she wants to go back to rehab because if she is convicted then the rehab time would count toward her sentence. I say fuck that. Any judge with a law degree from DeVry would see through that shit. This bitch needs to do some seriously hard time. And considering it's been rumored Lindsay like to tear up the carpet why would she care? Some expert is saying she needs to stop partying, get new friends, and change her habits. Wow. That's some expert. For the single guys, use a similar technique when a chick doesn't want to take it in the back door. "Don't worry, baby, the more lube you use the less it's going to hurt. Why would I lie to you? Our relationship is too important."

More waste of time

A chairman of a House subcommittee wants to interview NBA commissioner David Stern over the fact an NBA referee was found to be betting on basketball games including ones he officiated. Rep. Bobby Rush, from Illinois, believes this could be one of the most damaging incidents in sports if the allegations are proven true. Maybe it would be if people gave a rat's ass about the NBA. Rush says the sport has been dogged by allegations its games are fixed, which is true. Those allegations are made by fans whose teams are from small market towns who think David Stern wants to see the Knicks, Bulls and Lakers in the finals every year. Maybe if credible people were making this remarks it might mean something. I would think the head of the Subcommittee on Commerce, Trade and Consumer Protection would have more important issues to deal with. Maybe next he'll go after pro wrestling because he's heard it's fixed. Another jackass that got elected...way to go America.

Just back from the John Mayer concert

The wife and I just got back from the John Mayer concert in DC. I can sum up the experience in one word: awesome! We got there a little after everything kicked off. I wanted to get a listen to James Morrison, an up and coming artist from England. He certainly didn't disappoint in my mind and I will certainly buy his CD. I believe John Mayer called it this year's "Back to School" album.

Next up was Ben Folds. I guess with the recession he had to get rid of the Five part because now it's just three guys. I wasn't expecting much, but I was pleasantly surprised. I'm not sure how the band is on an album, but they were awesome in concert. I bet you in a small venue they kick some serious ass. They definitely had a Barenaked Ladies vibe going on and if you've ever been to one of their concerts you know it's a good time.

Last up was John Mayer and it took over 40 minutes between Ben Folds finishing up and Mayer starting. To me that was WAY too long considering it took about 20 minutes to get the set ready. Once the music started up, though, all was forgiven. John Mayer right now is in my top 5 artists. I love his music and the fact he doesn't sound like everyone else (a post for later). All the songs were great, but tonight's version of "Gravity" was unbelievable. It's already my favorite song of his and if I could find this version somewhere online I'd be ecstatic. If you get the chance to see this guy live do so because you will not be disappointed.

Now for the guy's only section. I think that if you're a convicted sex offender you should be at this concert. There was all kinds of ass walking around--unreal. Lots of dirty chicks, nice girls, missionary-only...you name it, they had it. And I really appreciated the wife pointing out the MILF in front of me. Her low-cut tank afforded me the opportunity to look at the top of her jubblies. Two words: Daddy Like.

Michael Vick's team shocked

The Falcons are stating they were surprised Michael Vick was indicted on charges stemming from his alleged role in a dogfighting ring. According to Arthur Blank, team owner, "We had, clearly, no indications, no signs, no whispers ... of any of this kind of behavior." Rich McKay, the Falcons GM, said he never knew there was such a thing as dogfighting.

Excuse me?! Nothing like listening to two rich, white guys talk about dog fights. I guess Arthur Blanks thinks because he owns Home Depot the Feds are supposed to consult with him on any federal indictments. And how have you NEVER heard of dog fighting?! Rich McKay must think we're a bunch of idiots or something. Give me a fucking break.

Michael Vick is probably guilty of something and if his frequent run-ins with the law are any indication I can't imagine he'll be playing for any length of time this season. The Falcons are idiots for letting go of Matt Schaub and now they have to live with Joey Harrington as their starter. Good luck with that, ass fucks!

Lindsay at it again

Hollywood's favorite spooge receptacle is in the news once again. Fresh out of her rehab stint and vowing to stay clean, Lohan was once again arrested for drunk driving and possession of the booger sugar. She was chasing another car around the mean streets of Santa Monica. If this skank doesn't get hardcore prison time for her second arrest--only separated by her stint in rehab--we'll know there's some shit wrong with the system. If this girl were some no-name hooker she's be serving hard time already. Nobody gives a rat's ass about another spoiled bitch who decides to waste what passes for talent these days.

This picture does take me back to my college days. It's the same look chicks would give me after fucking them silly and informing them they didn't make the cut. And I tell ya the sobbing didn't make booting them out of my house any harder. Those were the days...

College football can't get here soon enough

I made the big mistake of watching some Auburn pre-game videos today while I was at work--I mean on a break... I gotta tell you I am now more pumped than ever for the season to start! College football is my favorite sport and each September it's my version of New Year's Day. Like I said in a previous post I love everything about Auburn and football is right up there on the list of reasons why. My wife didn't quite understand me when we first met and I said I could sit on the couch all day Saturday watching college football. And I do--from ESPN College Gameday to either ESPN College Gameday Final or the last Pac-10/WAC game. I'm there doing nothing else. I know there are other people who are just like me so here are some sites you can go to in order to tide you over and check out during the season. A lot of these are ramping up for the coming season so there's plenty to check out!

AU Nation - Great Auburn and college football site

Auburn Videos - Lots of Auburn clips

Rivals - Awesome site with lots of information. You can find pages for just about every Division I team. Only thing is you have to pay for a lot of the content.

Auburn Tigers - This is the official site of the Auburn Tigers.

CBS College Football - The CBS site for college football.

Sports Illustrated College Football - See who they're going to jinx this year!

College Football Data Warehouse - If you're a numbers junkie then this is your site. Great if you need to make some decisions on your, uh, parlay pics at the local sports book.

College Football News - This site is one of my favorites. They've got great articles previewing and reviewing the week's games. Lots of interesting and funny articles as well.

ESPN College Football - ESPN always goes all out and they certainly don't disappoint here.

Fox Sports College Football - Fox has certainly been tearing some shit up with all of the sports they seem to be getting into. Their NASCAR coverage is awesome and they seem to want to put that same kind of effort into their sites.

USA Today - This isn't the same as the others. This link actually takes you to the lines for college football games. Just to add a little interest to some of the games--if you like that kind of thing of course.

I love Auburn

For those of you who haven't had the pleasure, this is a picture of Samford Hall on the campus of Auburn University, the Loveliest Village on the Plains. It was my home for four of the best years of my life. I learned so much about myself and life. Auburn certainly taught me a lot and it is more than my alma mater--it's a part of me forever. I hear people talk about their schools and I don't necessarily hear any kind of emotion about it. But when you talk to an Auburn grad you know they loved every minute spent on campus. From rolling Toomer's Corner, going to the Flush for ice cream, getting lost in Haley Center, and Saturdays at Jordan Hare...Auburn is about more than going to class--it's a passion. Auburn is a family that's always with you. It's about sharing experiences with complete strangers who have the same love no matter when they graduated.

Some of my friends would laugh when I talk about Auburn this way, but I honestly believe it's true. I can remember my freshman year when Auburn went undefeated and how we beat the mighty Gators 38-35 on a gray, overcast sky with a light rain falling all day. My first Iron Bowl when Patrick Nix came into the game for Stan White and threw the deciding touchdown in the corner of the end zone. The night game against LSU when the old gymnasium burned down right across the street. Being on the floor when we beat a top 5 Arkansas basketball game. Each memory is etched into my brain to forever be relived and shared with others who share the same love for Auburn I do. How many other schools have alumni as passionate? I can't think of too many schools where grads greet each other with a big War Eagle and talk as if they've known each for years even if they've just met. I've run into people in Germany, been flagged down on W Sahara in Las Vegas by an Auburn guy. Just this past weekend I was playing golf and got paired up with a guy named Charles. On the second tee he asks me if I went to Auburn, which I did. Turns out he was a '76 grad (I'm a '97 guy) and with a hearty "War Eagle" we had something to share. Each generation passes along its memories to others so they can share and relate.

People come and go, but Auburn will always be a constant reminder of who I was before I got there, who I became, and who I'm still becoming. To me it's not just some place I went to school, but something I proudly live everyday. Like the Auburn Creed says, "I believe in Auburn and I love it".

"Chuck and Larry" review

I saw "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" today. I thought it was a pretty good movie. I wouldn't say it was anything to get crazy over, but certainly an improvement over some of Adam Sandler's more recent efforts. Jessica Biel is of course in the movie as the hot lawyer Adam Sandler's character falls for even though he's supposed to be gay and can't really profess his feelings. Blah, blah, blah. The best part of the movie is of course the minutes when Jessica Biel is in bra and panties. We have the honor of laying witness to a tight, well-toned ass and a lovely rack. Nothing says like masturbation material like a hot chick in her underwear...

A new addition to my top 8

Previously I had written about chicks with tattoos and how they can go either way on my Ladder of Doability. A couple of tats is cool, but when a chick's body is covered in them you're out or at least you can't stay any longer than the time it takes to wipe up the mess on your stomach (or back) with a tissue. This was a hard and fast rule, but like all things it has changed. If you haven't heard of Kat Von D then you haven't spent any time on TLC. She used to be on "Miami Ink", but is now going to have her own series entitled "LA Ink" (REAL original). If you haven't seen her then you're missing out, but I've given you two photos and you can go here to check out the LA Ink calendar (Kat is August, September, and March-May).

Two reasons why Kat is now in my Top 8. First, she's hot, which means she's a sure-fire 1. Second, the tattoos means she's freaky in the sack. And this many tattoos means it's going to be a dirty couple of hours. If you're like me you limber up, get some antiseptic, and dive right into this hot piece of trim!

This shit is hard!

Interesting picture isn't it? This is some type of bridge performed while doing yoga. I recently began taking a yoga class once a week and let's just say this shit is hard! I never knew how difficult it would be and have never sweat so much before. It's been awesome so far and if you have the chance to try it out definitely take the opportunity. We did a couple of bridges and head stand today. I'm sure once I've done this for a while I won't find myself with sore muscles, but damn! And if you're single--gold mine. In my class today there were two other guys. One was mid-40s looking and the other dude wore spandex shorts so it's safe to say the chances of hooking up with some bendy chick are high. If I hadn't found "she who is above all others" then you can bet your sweet ass I'd be tearing up some of the carpet on the lovely ladies!

You make me say damn

If I threw up in my mouth a little bit from yesterday's picture then this one is going to make me projectile vomit for sure. This is Britney Spears again, but this time it's after she ate a box of Twinkies washed down with a bucket of KFC to further expand her dookie chute. This photo is from her video shoot for her song, "Get Back." From the looks of it the song should be titled "Got Too Much Back." I can't tell if that's her left ass cheek or a honey baked ham under those panties. I wish any guy who is going to hit that good luck. I'd rather dip my weiner in a vat of acid...

Golf pet peeves

I love golf--a LOT. It's my favorite thing outside of spending quality time with my wife. It's great to get outside and walk 18 holes with your friends just hanging out. Rain, shine, cold, hot--doesn't matter to me so long as I can get out on the links. I normally play on Andrews Air Force Base, which is affordable but you get a lot of players. Some can be good and others not so much. I'm not some kind of snob that only plays with good players--because I'm not very good. What I have a problem with are players who don't know the basic rules and simple etiquette. So the following is a list of my pet peeves:

1. Fix your damn divots on the greens! Common courtesy says you should fix your own divot plus two others. I wonder if I was playing some swanky course would you find so many divots. I fork over my hard-earned money to be a member and it gets on my nerve when people can't even fix one divot. The worst is when the same people who don't fix their divots complain about the messed up greens. Get a clue, ass fuck!

2. When I'm swinging try not to make loud noises. My buddy Bo and I were paired up with these two guys. Right in the middle of my downswing he decides to change clubs by smacking them together. It's not like I'm some pro, but a little common sense goes a long way. Those guys that day were brutal.

3. Keep up. I hate slow play. I don't try to blaze through a round like I'm setting a world record, but I play at a nice pace. When you get to double par it's time to pick up your ball and move on to the next round. I can't stand somebody who plays three balls when there's a group behind us. If I'm a single and catch up to you with no one in front of your group, let me through. If you want someone pushing you the rest of the round I'll do it because you were already the ass clown for not letting me play ahead.

4. Be honest with your game. I'm not impressed by some guy who talks shit about his game. I'm even less impressed by someone who claims they're a single-digit guy and ends up being some high handicapper. Just play your damn game and be out there to enjoy the day.

You make me wanna...

...throw up a little bit. This girl has a lot going on back there. That caboose has been through a lot. If you're from Hollywood then you've tapped Britney Spears from the back plenty of times. It looks like she had a maxi pad that ran up the back of her ass. And what's up with that weird-looking hump right below her tramp stamp? Looks like she's smuggling an illegal or something.

The British Open is here

My favorite major championship starts tomorrow and I, for one, can't wait! The British Open is being contested at Carnoustie this year, which is the site of one of the greatest choke jobs in history. The year was 1999 and I was living in Valdosta, GA. I had woken up early to watch the fourth round and JFK, Jr. of course that day decides to nosedive his plane into the Atlantic. Thankfully ESPN came through and broadcast the rest of the game, while others in American wondered why Ted Kennedy wasn't in the plane... Anyways, Jean Van de Velde has a three shot lead going into 18 and manages to sink a 6 footer for a triple bogey 7 and go into a playoff where he promptly lost. It was an incredible finish. A lot of changes have been made to a course that was derided my many players for being unreasonable. This course is still going to be difficult--it's not nicknamed Carnasty for nothing--and I can't wait to watch the world's best navigate their way around this links course. For me it's my favorite because of the kind of course it is and the concentration, skill, and imagination it requires to play well. My pick is Tiger to win his third straight. I don't think there's a better links player in the world right now. And if he doesn't have to pull out his driver much the way he did last year--and if his putting improves--then there's no way he's going to lose. Make this one lucky 13 for Mr. Woods.

This b%$@&! is hot!

As an art lover, I've got to say this ass is a masterpiece. It's safe to say I would drink Jessica Biel's bath water.

Nobody gives a shit

So it looks like Victoria Beckham (I know, who?) had some show last night so American could get to know her. For those of you that are gay, you'd remember her as Posh Spice from the that great musical team the Spice Girls. America could give a shit about her or David Beckham for that matter. The only reason Posh hasn't been arrested for sucking dick for crack is because of her husband. Where would she be these days without a guy that around the world--except for here--has been an icon. Most people could care less about these two jackasses, Beckham's new career in MLS, or the Spice Girls reunion. The only way Posh's show would've been successful if it was some grainy footage of her taking it in the pooper from her gardener.

America's newest bigot

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Ralph Papitto and, up until earlier this month, was chairman of the Roger Williams University board. During a board meeting during which he was frustrated over the difficulty in finding minority candidates to sit on the board. I guess it's pretty hard when you're dropping the "N" word during a meeting!! That's right. He said it just slipped out and that he'd never used it before. Suuuure. He says the first time he heard it was on tv or rap music. Isn't that the line uptight, rich white folks say is wrong with rap music and too much television? In the age of too much PC--aka, America's pussification--maybe he figured something like this might work. Try again, ass fuck. If Jesse Jackson can't get away from his "heime town" statement then I don't think the old rich white guy is getting away with the N-bomb. Welcome to permanent public humiliation, slappy!

Almost as good...

You gotta love a pissgasm, don't you? You know, that feeling you get when you take a leak you've been holding for hours. You get the shivers real good when you're done and a nice satisfied feeling. It's not like taking a seriously bad grump and afterwards your ass burns and you can't sit down for a few minutes. I've said too much...

Giving up my citizenship

You read that right, people. It's off to jolly ol' England for this chap!

Around the world of sports

I would've written some last night, but I drove over 14 hours from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan back to DC. Anyways, let's get to the sports world.

The "Bad Day Just Got Worse" Award goes to Salim Sdiri, a French long jumper. Apparently this guy is warming up when suddenly a javelin hits him in his right side causing a 1-inch cut. The wound was not serious, but Sdiri the Frenchman surrendered shortly after.

When you think of Budweiser and NASCAR what do you think of? Dale Earnhardt, Jr. And when you think of Little E you think of Bud. The two go together like a Puerto Rican and two chicks at the same time. Apparently, the relationship between Budweiser and Little E will come to an end after the season. It's hard to believe these two won't be partners--I thought they'd be together forever plus one day! I thought it was a nice gesture for E to say he'd still drink Budweiser because it's good. He'll say it because he's still getting paid and for no other reason. Budweiser will find someone else, but it'll be nowhere near as big of a star. Little E will go on to sponsor some type of Pepsi product or products and that'll be huge and I'm sure provide a boost in sales.

Does anyone need more proof Isaiah Thomas is running the Knicks into the ground. They've hit rock bottom and have begun to dig. For those non-NBA fans, there is a luxury tax, which means teams must pay a tax for going over the salary cap, which is determined during the summer. Five teams had to pay this year. The Knicks must pay $45 million and the other four teams combined owe $10.4 million. Isaiah Thomas has sent this team into the toilet. They haven't made the playoffs for three straight years and somehow he as given a vote of confidence for next year even though they won just 33 games. I'll gladly coach the Knicks for $500K per year and get that many w's. You might be wondering why I'm giving him such a hard time considering there WERE four other teams paying. Who were those teams? The Timberwolves--saddled with that KG contract. The Nuggets--made the playoffs. The Mavs--best record in the league and the MVP. The Spurs--NBA champions. 'Nuff said.

First, this isn't a sighting of Tattoo from Fantasy Island. This is Tad Fujikawa, a 16-year old from Hawaii who made the cut in this year's Sony Open. Fujikawa has decided to turn pro and will make his debut in a couple of weeks at the Reno-Tahoe Open. He will seek sponsor exemptions on the PGA, Japan, and Nationwide tours. Honestly, I think this dude is making a big mistake. I've never understood the need for teenagers at this age to turn professional in any sport. In high school I got more ass than a toilet seat, but I wasn't about to abandon my academics for life as a gigolo. Life is too short to skip the best years of your life to become an adult. You keep trying to be too old too fast and next thing you know life has passed you by. I wonder if Michelle Wie secretly regrets her decision to turn pro. The pro golf ranks are littered with "it" kids who have been busts--Ty Tryon and Rickey Barnes are two examples. Parents need to step in and do what's best for their kids and in this case staying in school and being a teenager without adult responsibilities is the way to go.

More proof our legal system is fucked

I'm all about people paying their child support on time. I hate deadbeat dads and the shitty excuses they have for not taking care of their kids. But it's a whole different story when the kid isn't yours. A man in Ft Lauderdale apparently owes $10K in child support to a kid that isn't his and has the DNA evidence to back it up! Francisco Rodriguez even has a written affidavit from the girl's mother saying he is not the father and should not have to pay. The state of Florida is still looking to make him pay the $10K plus the $305 per month. The guy even went to jail and apparently he can't do anything because he missed the deadline to contest the paternity suit. Apparently there aren't any clear national guidelines with some states having deadlines and others having nothing. The Florida peeps say there's nothing they can do because it's the law. Now I'm no legal expert, but if the guy isn't he father and has the scientific proof to back it up I think it's okay to stop seeking payment. This is another example of people not applying basic common sense to the law and further tying up valuable taxpayer dollars.

Free tix to all virgins!

There's an off-Broadway show in NYC that is giving away free tickets, but there's a catch: you have to be a virgin. They'll have a hypnotist at the show do determine who gets in free. This is so stupid because everyone knows there aren't any female virgins in the Big Apple. Look down to my post about the iPhone and you'll plenty of guy virgins--you don't need a hypnotist to pick the guys out. What a poor attempt at trying to get some pub...

Great line

Anybody else think the line, "I shot so much cum in her mouth it looked like her teeth were melting," is funny? Talk about a visual!

Miss New Jersey being blackmailed...yawn

First, this is Miss New Jersey. I know, she's not all that. Her face looks a little like a "slow" kid made it out of clay. She's a 1, but I wouldn't go out of my way to get at her naughty bits. Anyways, someone is apparently blackmailing her with some photos. If she doesn't give up her crown the photos will be made public. I hope this is someone's attempt at drumming up a little interest in an irrelevant "un"event, the Miss America pageant. The minute she said there was no nudity, pornography, or underage drinking every guy changed the channel. Why not just release these photos if there's nothing bad? Just call the blackmailer's bluff by making them public and getting it over with. End of story. Unless she's deep throating a beer bottle, smoking some crack, or doing a couple of guys at once who cares?

A link and a few observations

This article is an amazing piece of work. If you don't find this funny it's because your an ass clown or an uptight cock tease.

A while back I was providing some education on the ladies and how to tell how dirty a chick is by looking at her. I have another little nugget for everyone. The more a girl's hair color is headed toward some unnatural red or purple hue the dirtier in the sack she is. No need to be afraid of hurting this girl in bed--the harder the donkey punch the better for this lovely siren!



This observation is for the younger guys coming up. Now what do these four pictures of people in line or being the first to buy an iPhone have in common? These are among the many guys who have never been laid. The last time they saw a vagina was when they were born. Never, ever do something like this. These losers can wait in line for days because they have no girlfriend, no job, and they live in their parents' basement. Congratulations, losers, you've got a sweet new phone. And no girl is still going to call you. And Christmas would come early if he got his dick wet before he dies.

If this post stinks it's because A-Rod is the shit!

Today Alex Rodriguez hit his major-league leading 30th home run of the year and drove in another 4 runs, bringing his season RBI total to 86. For the year A-Rod is leading the majors in both categories and is batting .317. He also has 79 runs, 101 hits, 21 doubles, 9 steals, a .413 OBP, and a .665 slugging percentage. This guy is a serious beast and if the Yankees were in contention he'd be the runaway MVP choice in the AL. I wrote a LONG time ago about what Ken Griffey, Jr.'s career might have been had he stayed healthy after his move to Cincy. So after a long delay I thought I'd write since it's the All Star break and A-Rod has belted another long ball.

When it's all said and done, I believe A-Rod will be the best player to play the game. Let's take a look at his career so far. His statistics for this year are projected of course. At the age of 31 he is already 22nd on the all-time home run list and 55th in RBIs. In A-Rod's 13 years, his career totals are: 1,437 runs, 2,168 hits, 385 doubles, 494 home runs, 1,433 RBIs, 867 walks, 250 stolen bases, .306 batting average, .387 on-base percentage, and a .577 slugging percentage. If A-Rod stays on this pace for the year, his season totals will be: 151 runs, 192 hits, 40 doubles, 57 home runs, 164 RBIs, 17 stolen bases, .317 batting average, .413 on-base percentage, and a .665 slugging percentage.

So with his projections we can say he'll have 1,509 runs, 2,259 hits, 404 doubles, 511 home runs, and 1,511 RBIs. In the list of all-time numbers he would be T-19 in homers, 46th in RBIs, T-58 in runs, and 139th in hits. His .576 career slugging percentage is currently T-13th on the all-time list! Let's say A-Rod plays for another 12 years at which time he'll be 44. If he maintains the same pace and doesn't get any big injuries his career totals would be 2,900 runs, 4,350 hits, 775 doubles, 975 home runs, and 2,900 RBIs. The home runs seem a lot off, but he certainly is on pace to break Barry Bonds' home run record and I believe it could easily be over 800.

For argument's sake let's go with the projections. For A-Rod's 25-year career he would be 1st in runs, 1st in hits, 2nd in doubles, 1st in homers, and 1st in RBIs. I don't know that he'll achieve those types of numbers, but he should end up in the top 10 in each of the categories. The guy is already a lock for the Hall of Fame and when his career is done he will be a sure-fire first ballot guy and the greatest player ever.

Modern Seven Wonders of the World

The New Seven Wonders of the World

So on Saturday night the new seven wonders of the world were revealed. I won't tell you what they are because you can read. Over 90 million people voted on 21 different sites, which allegedly caused some server issues. 90+ million people voted which means over 5.9 billion people don't give a fuck. Seriously, who cares? How much effort did people put into this and the idiotic extravaganza announcing the new wonders? Imagine what could've been done with that money to help people. Instead we have to put up with this kind of stupidity. Here's a wonder--how I got a winning smile, great body, and huge cock. Some people can't believe my luck, but when you're the length of a cucumber and the thickness of a Coke can it's a handicap. Believe me.

Chicks in the sack

We all love women and we all think about what they'd be like in the sack. It's just a fact of life really. Some things we know. For instance, a big girl is normally going to be pretty dirty when it comes to the love making. Not because she necessarily wants to, but because she has to in order to keep a man. Before you get on me about this, blame nature and Darwin. I'm just a messenger, people. My buddy, Bo Derek, and I like to judge women on their sexual personalities. We base this purely on looks and what a girl is wearing. Our studies show a 99% accuracy rate. I'm going to show some pictures and then give you a basic sexual profile of each. You can send me $9.95 for a full copy of the book that goes into a more in-depth analysis.

This is Hillary Duff. Personally, I don't think she looks all that good. She's like Britney Spears without the ball head and bucket of KFC. Anyways, I digress. Hillary is definitely a missionary-only type of girl. It would take a lot to get her to try another position where she isn't flat on her back playing the dead fish role. And by a lot I mean a lot of pills or booze. She might look like she's a whore, but it's the total opposite here.

Mandy Moore here is great. you can tell she will try out some different things, but you're going to have to pull all of the stuffed animals off her bed. She just seems like that kind of chick. You can expect her to do some doggy style and even some cowgirl. But throw in a porn or give this girl the shocker and you're ass is back to holding hands.

Rose McGowan equals dirty. There is nothing this chick hasn't tried or is willing to try and didn't like. If you're looking to get a rim job or have your prostate milked she's for you and will probably bring it up before you do. There's nothing wrong with this chick, but be prepared to possibly suffer a dick sprain at some point from the constant, hot, wild, crazy primal fucking you're about to experience. Chances you're going to be on the receiving end of the schocker before she is.

When you look at this picture you really understand the "If she's old enough to crawl she's in the right position" argument. Jessica Alba is your basic chick except you get a hard on if she breathes near you. She's the kind of girl who dresses up in some sexy little "sleep" outfits for you and probably isn't afraid to give you a little sumthin' sumthin' in the car. You're not going to have some crazy possibly illegal shit happening like with Rose, but you're not going to be disappointed in the least. She'll try some different things with you, but don't expect her to be into everything so if you're thinking about bringing out the nipple clamps make sure she's into that.

Friends and family

I've had an association with the military in one form or another for my entire life. I was a military brat and then did AFROTC at Auburn, and now I'm active duty. The idea of staying in one location for a period longer than 3 years is simply foreign to me. Since I moved around a lot I learned to value the importance of friends. It's not like I could have childhood friends because back when I was growing up the military was large and you didn't necessarily run into lots of people. I understand how great it is to have good friends. I don't talk to many people I didn't meet in high school. In fact I have one close friend I've known about 16 years. I don't talk to her as often as I should, but there's no doubt if she needed me I'd be there in a second and she would do the same. I keep in pretty good contact with four guys from college--two of which were my roommates. These guys were groomsmen in my wedding and we've all been buddies since 1993. Again, we're there for each other and when we get together it's like we've never been apart. I've met people here and there throughout my career that I'm close with. It's such a huge thing to have people you can count on and trust. Being in the military you learn what a big deal it is to have family and what it means. If you're my friend then you're my friend for life. It would take a lot of bad mojo to change that and it's never happened. When you've got those kinds of friends you want to hold onto them because they're a part of you for the rest of your life.

Arcadia Bluffs Golf Club

I'm actually on vacation right now, but knowing how my loyal readers can be I decided to grace them with a blog post. If you don't know that I'm a HUGE golf fan, well, you're a complete moron and haven't read anything on this page except my insightful commentary and wit. So being the addict I decided I need to play Arcadia Bluffs Golf Club in Arcadia, Michigan. Golf Digest ranks it the 10th best public course in America and #46 in its ranking of the 100 greatest courses in the US. That alone made it worthy of playing. It took me 11.5 hours to get there and let's just say there were some shady areas I was driving through. I was expecting a crazy family of hillbillies to take a tire out and hunt me down. It was that backwoods for a bit. Unfortunately there were no signs to be seen for this bad boy. When I got there though I was blow away. It's a truly magnificent golf course. The layout was awesome and you couldn't beat the views although there was a fog that obstructed some of them. If I dropped you on the first tee without telling you where we were I don't think you'd expect to be in Michigan. It's easily the most beautiful course I've seen in person. The views of Lake Michigan from #'s 12 and 13 were stunning to say the least. The course was in perfect condition and the staff was extremely friendly. While the price tag was high, it was worth every penny and something I will play again. And the best part of the course? The attendants at the bag drop and the cart girl were all hot! It was like they took every hot little blonde piece of ass from the area and put them to work. I felt bad for having one of them carry my bag up to the curb after the round. But how else was I going to get a view of her tight little caboose?!

Are you being nice or being selfish?

I was having a chat with a good friend about being nice and she said there's always a hidden agenda. And it got me to thinking about whether or not we do things because we're really being nice or because we want something.

Do you do great work because you enjoy it or because you're looking for that big fat raise?

Are you opening a woman's door because you're a gentleman or are you hoping it'll get you laid?

Do you shovel an elderly person's driveway because you're kind or are you about to have a blowout party and want to build up some goodwill?

Do you ask a girl if she wants the shocker because you want to be a caring lover or is it because you're hoping she'll think you're a great guy and will let you in her back door?

So the next time you do something think about what your true motives are. You might be surprised!

Be on high alert!

This is a warning for all hetero males. If you're walking around outside with a boner in your pants and this thing is walking toward you do not look in its direction or your dick will turn to dust. In case you're wondering who this is it's Sharon Stone. Many a man beat off to her role in Basic Instinct. We gladly would've taken an ice pick to throat for the chance to give her a pearl necklace. Now I wouldn't even fuck her with Rosie O'Donnell's dick.

I see nipple

If you're not a real man you may need to click on the picture

Patience is a virtue

There are few things I regret in life, but one of them has to be dumping this girl. She fell for me during an elementary school trip and we hit it off. I was too busy pulling her hair and playing with my GI Joe action figures. She wanted something more serious, but I wasn't ready. If only I'd known this would happen. In case you're wondering who the girl with giant feedbags it's Jodie Sweetin who played Stephanie Tanner on "Full House." Yes, I know what you're thinking...who pulls a girl's hair unless she's naked on all fours?

Random thoughts

Everybody knows about the 10-point scale for judging attractiveness. There's a problem with it, though: it's too complex. Which is probably why a woman invented it. Doesn't it make sense? I got this from some fighter jock types I met in Vegas and it makes sense--we should have a two-point scale. It's either a 0 or a 1. Why clutter it with anything else? You'll either bang her (1) or you won't (0). It's that simple. If you say you'd need a few 12 beers then you would.

I think there should be a law that mandates hot chicks (or even mildly attractive for that matter) should show their racks. I mean, they're not going to hang that high forever! Be proud of your jugs! And, in the interests of society, I will gladly volunteer my eye for beauty to designate who should expose their cans. Ladies, email me with a recent (within the last 3 months) photograph and I'll start passing down judgment.

Another bit of information about my Ladder of Doability: No butter face. It's all well and good if you've got a hot body, but if your face looks like it got hit with a wet bag of nickels you're going down a couple of notches...

If you're in a new relationship, just got dumped, are a veteran of the marriage/relationship wars or are some loser who spends his weekends playing World of Warcaft and isn't sure what a real girl looks like/acts, this is for you.