Why say thank you?

I was playing golf yesterday despite the soggy conditions because I have a serious addiction. The fairways and greens were pretty juicy, but I still managed to put up together the best round of my storied career--+5 with an even par front 9 (also a first). Anyways, I hit some great shots like my 5 hybrid to 2 feet on the 8th. One of the guys said, "nice shot." Now you would expect the proper response to be "thanks." But why couldn't I say "I know"? I didn't intend to hit a shitty shot to the green. I didn't give a quick nod to the gods before closing my eyes and hoping for the best. When I play I expect to hit good shots all the time. Otherwise, why the hell would I even play?! When Tiger hits a crazy 60-yard slice to the green because he has to, why can't the dude say, "I know"? Why has society told us we need to say thanks--completely inappropriate if you ask me. This is a capitalist nation, survival of the fittest, etc. Acknowledge you hit a great shot and let your playing partners know about it. Conceited? No way. Self confident? Most definitely.

The Spears girls are whores

Looks the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it? Sweet little 16-year old Jamie Lynn spears is pregnant with her first (maybe?) child. In a previous interview she mentioned how she didn't have a boyfriend and she just had guys she hung out with. Whoa. Looks like Jamie Lynn decided to beat Britney to the punch. Who knows how long she's been giving up the 'tang like government cheese in the projects.

The dude who deposited his baby batter in little JL is 18, which means her dad should be cutting off his balls and feeding them to him. Nothing will probably happen and yet in Georgia a kid was put away for just getting a BJ.

JL says she's going to raise the baby in Louisiana "so it can have a normal family life." I guess this means she'll be running around barefoot while playing the banjo and drinking from a milk jug.

The truth behind Romo's thumb injury

My buddy, Derek, was pretty upset over the shitty performance his Cowboys put on in front of a national audience. Of particular note was the pathetic play of Tony Romo. Here was his line: 13 for 36, 214 yards, 0 touchdowns, 3 interceptions. Ouch. That doesn't inspire too much confidence and hopefully this doesn't stick in his mind heading into the playoffs. This is the second shitty performance he's had when he had a lady friend in attendance. First was Carrie Underwood and then Sunday it was Jessica Simpson.

During the game Tony Romo suffered an injury to his right thumb. My sources have told me, however, the injury occurred Saturday night. Apparently, the head Romosexual tried to give Jessica the shocker. She jerked away with his thumb still her in dookie chute. Tony, you need to start with something a little small next time--no sense in tearing something on the girl the first time out!

Tara Reid is still fug

It's tough being naturally good looking--I should know. We're a rare flower. So it's tough when you see Hollywood "stars" who used to be hot reduced to this. Stay indoors unless you've got a makeup team prepping you. Like this picture of Tara Reid. Her stomach looks like someone spread peanut butter on a slice of bread. I wouldn't touch that with Osama bin Laden's dick.

And, Jennifer Love, you're fat and you're not a size 2. Maybe you were wearing a size 2 bikini bottom for your size 8 ass and thunder thighs. If you're so beautiful and have a great body why is it the Hanes commercial only shows you from the waist up unless you're in a dress?

Bobby Petrino is a whore

Bobby Petrino QUIT last night 13 games into the season and agreed to be the head coach at Arkansas. He's a bitch. You want to talk about commitment issues? This guy is a classic example right out of the Nick Saban mold. Petrino came to Auburn as its offensive coordinator back in 2003. After a year he left for Louisville to become the head coach--certainly a great opportunity for a guy who helped to turn around my Tigers. While in his first year at Louisville he secretly meets with Auburn boosters about become the next head coach of the Tigers and then denies it; only admitting he had met after Auburn issued its own press release. In 2004 he met with Florida, Notre Dame, and Ole Miss about their head coach openings. Then he signs an extension with Louisville only to interview less than a week later with LSU officials about their opening. In 2005 Petrino interviewed with the Oakland Raiders even though he told people he wasn't interested in an NFL job. In 2006 he signs a 10-year extension with the Cardinals only to 5 months later take his show to the Atlanta Falcons.

Then, 13 games into this season--which has been a mess--Petrino abruptly resigns his head coaching job and the same day signs with Arkansas. In his press conference he said leaving the Falcons was difficult. That's bullshit. It was easy for Petrino to bolt--just ask Louisville. And if the guy wasn't enough of a jack ass, he says good bye to the Falcons' players by sending them a letter. That's a real "class" act. At least have the balls to look your players in the eye and explain yourself.

Petrino probably belongs in college football, but Arkansas had better watch their back because Petrino will stab you in the back at his first opportunity. And when a better job opens up--and, Arkansas, their are better jobs--you'd better believe Petrino will have one foot out the door.

Sometimes hot chicks should just shut up

Katherine Heigl (of "Grey's Anatomy" and "Knocked Up" fame) is hot. She's so hot I'd drink her bath water. I would beat it like I stole it if I got a look at her talent. Then she's got to open her mouth and sound like such an idiot you wish you would've kept her "downstairs" for a little while longer...

According to an article on CNN.com her character is having an affair with...you know who cares. Anyways, this is causing her problems. Heigl says she doesn't "really know Izzie very well right now. ... I'm trying to figure her out and keep her real." Excuse me? She isn't real, fuck chops! She's on a TV show. Talk about sounding like a pretentious jackass...

Heigl also decided to talk about her experience doing "Knocked Up." She said, "It was a little sexist," she says. "It paints the women as shrews, as humorless and uptight, and it paints the men as lovable, goofy, fun-loving guys. ... Ninety-eight percent of the time it was an amazing experience, but it was hard for me to love the movie." I'm sure she was hating this movie when the tons of cash was rolling in. If the movie was sexist then why do it in the first place? I'm guessing because the money they gave you to play a CHARACTER was too good to pass up! Katherine Heigl must be the new voice for women's rights although it's hard to take her seriously when she's flashing a side view of her tits in the picture...

Gross negligence

At what point is New York Knicks owner James Dolan going to realize Isaiah Thomas is a horrible coach and GM. The guy is regressing and they sucked last year. He's driven this team to rock bottom and they've begun to dig. Has he done anything good in terms of personnel decisions? Fans are booing before they even start games. I'm wondering when the few remaining Knicks fans mount a revolt and take back a once-proud franchise that has become a joke.

Who would buy this shit?

I've recently noticed Britney Spears' perfume commercials on TV again. Maybe some advertising guy figures it's a great time to pop these ads back on the tube with all of the Britney publicity right now. If that's the case this guy should be fired. I can't imagine who this perfume would appeal to except for women who do things half ass, shave their heads, have an ass like a bean bag chair, and give up the pooty like food to an Ethiopian. What does this stuff smell like? I'm guessing it smells like booze, cigarettes, fried chicken, chocolate and bdissy (booty, dick and pussy).

The BCS is screwed

Well, what a mess. I didn't expect Mizzou to win the Big 12. No way they were going to beat a healthy Oklahoma team that had beaten them by 10 earlier in the year. Of course this all could have been avoided had West Virginia not fumbled away the game against Pitt. Pitt! How the hell does that happen?! Pitt is crap this year and they hold WVU to their lowest rushing output of the season. Pat White gets hurt, is in street clothes apparently and then comes back in the fourth quarter. Poor.

So now instead of an Ohio State-West Virginia national title game, we have something less desirable. I think Ohio State should be in, but after that who knows. I don't think Georgia deserves it. I don't care what Mark Richt says, you can't play for the national title when you didn't even play in your own conference championship (right now this isn't a rule in the BCS that you have to win your conference to play for the national title). And I don't care if Georgia tied for first in the East. You still didn't play in the game! Same thing for Kansas and even more so--the Jayhawks didn't beat anybody this year. If you ask me it should be either Oklahoma or LSU. Sorry, USC, but you guys lost to a horrible Stanford team. Virginia Tech is ahead of LSU, but they got smoked down in Baton Rouge.

If I had to make a pick I'd go with the Sooners, but I see way too many teams that either do/don't deserve to be playing for the title this year. And I think an 8-team playoff would solve the problem. To me this is worse than having three undefeated teams. Let's hope we see some kind of change for next year.

Imus return is sparking protests

Don Imus will hit the airwaves Monday after being banished for the past 8 months. Apparently some black leaders in Boston led a protest in front of one of the radio stations that will broadcast his new show. Why? Somebody needs to tell these guys they're only helping. Who the hell listens to Imus anymore? The dude was on MSNBC for God's sake! Howard Stern told the Associated Press, "'At this point, I don't think he's very relevant,' Stern said. 'People will tune out within a week. I defy you to listen. It's like a rodeo -- you know, see how long you can ride a bull? See how long you can keep listening to Imus.'" I can't. At all. The dude is B-O-R-I-N-G. I guess if you're 90 and breathing out of a tube you might tune in, but I'd rather listen to someone with diarrhea blast their colon into a toilet.

Montel Williams is angry

"'Don't look at me like that. Do you know who I am? I'm a big star, and I can look you up, find where you live and blow you up,"'is apparently what Montel Williams told a high school intern in Savannah. The student should've said, "I have no idea who you are. Do you need money?" I didn't even know Montel Williams was alive. Dude is seriously washed up and not a big star. He's down to county fairs and visiting old folks homes. Imagine if MC Hammer came up to you now trying to big time you. Would you be scared? Intimidated? No. I'd be too busy laughing in his face. He also said, "'I mistakenly thought the reporter and photographer in question were at the hotel to confront me about some earlier comments,' Williams said." Montel did apologize and he should have--for thinking he was still relevant! Get over yourself, Montel. You're a washed up has been. The only way to resurrect your career now is to get caught with a trannie at a highway rest stop.

More college football observations

I love college football--so much so that I set my calendar to it. After the bowls recruiting is in the forefront for about a month. Sites like rivals.com let you go crazy speculating about that 5-star recruit your team is after. Then after that are the spring practices followed by the spring game--a little tease about what your team can/will do in the fall. Then you enter that dead period until fall practices start. And even during this blissful period there are a few things that get on my nerves along with the ones I talked about a while back.

First, I want to thank Tim Brando for coming up with the ridiculous habit of calling football teams the "fighting (insert the last name of your coach here)". It's spread to ESPN as well and their College Gameday crew. Who thought this was a good idea? Every team has a nickname--use that. Otherwise start using some of the more colorful nicknames have for their coaches like the "Fighting Did we really pay this ass clown $4 million to lose to Louisiana Monroe"...Bama fans, that one's for you. 6 in a row and counting...

Second, getting the award for most annoying college football announce team is CBS and Vern Lundquist and Gary Danielson. I do so LOVE listening to these guys extol the superhuman abilities of Tim Tebow. Thankfully he wasn't playing the SEC Championship game or else they would've gushed about his courageous effort against a shitty Florida State while having a broken finger. I know what finger I'd like to give these to white bread jackasses. CBS, there's a reason Gary Danielson didn't get re-signed by ABC. Let's get a little new blood into the program. And if I have to hear Lundquist laugh at one of Danielson's idiotic jokes or observations I'm going to vomit.

We all make mistakes

To all of my loyal reader, a while back I posted a blog about Jennifer Love Hewitt and that we needed to see her naked soon. How she was such a cock tease. Well, I've made mistakes before. And when you look at the picture on the right you can see I made one HUGE mistake--huge like the cottage cheese thighs on JLH. Talk about a cure for priapism--yeesh!

Nebraska coaching search down to 2?

Like most people have been speculating since the Bill Callahan is fired rumors started. It was said Tom Osbourne wanted to bring in a guy who had ties to Nebraska and understood how important the Cornhuskers program is to the state. Let's face it. If there wasn't a Cornhusker football team the state would lead the nation in suicides. The two leading candidates for the job are current University of Buffalo head coach Turner Gill and LSU Defensive Coordinator Bo Pelini. According to ESPN.com, "Radio talk shows and Internet message boards have, ad nauseam, addressed the merits of Gill and Pelini. Fans have taken particular interest in those two because of their ties to the school." Let's talk about ties to the school. When I think of having ties to a school I think of a person who has spent years at a school or was a player there. Turner Gill I can understand. Dude was a star quarterback for the Huskers. He can do no wrong in the state of Nebraska. Bo Pelini? Dude grew up in Ohio and played for Ohio State. And he was a coach there--FOR ONE YEAR! You want ties, bring back Frank Solich. What did he do to get fired the first time? He won 10 games, which was somehow disappointing. Callahan had to go, but Huskers fans, give me a break with the school ties thing. I once took a shit in Boston. Maybe I can use my ties to the city to run for mayor...

Whose career is going down faster than a hooker paid $50?

That's right. It's Britney Spears. This is how I like to remember Britney Spears. A young, tasty piece with a tight everything. The chick wasn't very talented--it was the body. Throw some heavy breathing singing and a techno-hip hop track and there you go. Nothing more, nothing less. And now the magazines think it's her shitty family history that's the reason for her sudden fall. There are LOTS of people with shitty families. There was a statement about her showing a reporter her fake ID during an interview when she was 17. Who WASN'T drinking at 17? Give me a break. And now there's a story about Britney Spears going into a store and trying on underwear in a store before walking out with a mannequin's wig. I'm sure it was her family that caused her to become a fat, bald, sloppy piece of shit who has zero parenting skills...

A 'Dancing with the Stars' Conspiracy?

I only watch this show for the hot piece of trim at the right, but I've noticed something when my wife is watching it using our DVR. How is Marie Osmond still on this show? First, she passes out after one of her routines. So that buys you an extra week with the sympathy vote. Then her dad dies, which of course buys her another week on the show even though she's clearly the worst dancer left on the show. I'm guessing Marie's handlers decided killing off another Osmond wouldn't produce the same results as her dad kicking the bucket. So how is she still on? The Mormons. Yes, Julianne (the talent in the picture) is Mormon, but it's obvious she's like the hot cousin from The Munsters to them--an oddity to be ridiculed and pitied. Marie Osmond is like their Queen and the giant Mormon behemoth will not be denied the chance for glory!

Ladies, don't marry a Peterson!

First there was Scott Peterson and now Drew Peterson. A woman married to a Peterson's life expectancy has got to be around 30-35. If you're an insurance salesman and a Mr. Peterson comes in to take out a life insurance policy on his wife, Mrs. Peterson, call the cops. Immediately. Because a murder's about to happen!

Houston Nutt is out at Arkansas

It looks like Houston Nutt is out as head coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks. Before you cry for the ball coach keep in mind he's going to get a nice settlement check (ESPN.com says about $3.5 million) for his troubles. How did Houston Nutt end up here you might ask? In 10 years Nutt won 61% of his games, won three SEC West titles and took his team to the SEC Championship game twice. Yep. Pretty decent I'd say.

There were some problems along the way. Houston Nutt was a serious candidate for the Nebraska job when it came open and I don't think Arkansas fans ever got over that. Mitch Mustain, who was proclaimed to be the greatest Arkansas high school football player ever, went to Arkansas for a year and then transferred. Apparently he thought he, a freshman, should be getting more playing time than the kick-ass run duo of Darren McFadden and Felix Jones. They also had some ass clown receiver whose dad said he'd be getting 80 catches at another school. As a fan I understand the situation. In 2004 a little running back tandem of Cadillac Williams and Ronnie Brown were beating the shit out of everyone in the SEC on their way to an undefeated season. Jason Campbell was a solid reliable quarterback, but we weren't relying on him. Arkansas fans used the Freedom of Information Act to get Houston Nutt's cell phone records because there were rumors he was having an affair.

These are some REALLY grateful fans, huh? Here's the problem with Arkansas fans: they're expecting too much. You're the Arkansas Razorbacks. You should be happy with 8 wins in a season and SEC championship-contention every 4 years or so. You just aren't an elite program and probably never will be. It's that simple and when this guy goes you're screwed.

Besides the money, Houston Nutt will get another job somewhere else (Ole Miss should throw money at this guy) and there's another reason to be happy to leave now. Darren McFadden is definitely gone--he could've left last year and decided to stay. No way you get another year out of him. Felix Jones is a junior and chances are he's a lock first-rounder as well. He might stay only if he thinks being the feature back will improve his NFL stock and get him some top 5 considerations next year. Marcus Monk, who was hurt this year, but is a beast, is a senior and will be gone. This team relied on its Wildcat (or Wild Hog) formation--if you saw the Arkansas-LSU game you realized they ran out of that formation something like 75% of the time. Houston Nutt should thank his lucky stars he's leaving because next year's team will be seriously fug.

Who took care of business?

Hawaii did with a convincing victory over their rivals, Boise St. With an outright WAC title and BCS bowl bid on the line, the Warriors from Hawaii stepped up to the plate and punched the Broncos in the mouth. Colt Brennan completed almost 80% of his passes for 495 yards and 5 touchdowns. The defense for Hawaii actually stepped up in the running game, an area teams normally take advantage of, but it was a total team effort that understood what was on the line and did what it had to do.

A team that managed to take care of business albeit in a completely different fashion than Hawaii was Tennessee. With a chance to head to the SEC championship game against LSU and possibly go to the Sugar Bowl with a win, the Vols blow a 24-7 halftime lead. They have two great chances to put up a game-ending score in the last 6-7 minutes of the game and both times they punt. Even a field goal would have forced Kentucky to go for a touchdown, which Kentucky almost got to win the game. With a stop in the 4th overtime Tennessee is headed to Atlanta and I'm sure they'll be looking to take LSU to OT since they suck so bad. I give Tennessee a shot next weekend because of the severe letdown LSU feels from blowing a chance at the national title, Les Miles is going to be blamed by fans for having his mind on the Michigan job, and I really can't stand the drunkards from Baton Rouge one bit.

Speaking of taking care of business, West Virginia decided to leave no question as to who should be in the title game with a 66-21 ass whipping of Connecticut. The Mountaineers are a very scary team right now. i don't think it matters who they play they would be the favorite in my book. Again, they knew what was required to achieve their goals and they laid down the hammer on the Huskies.

Lucy Pinder is hot

I have no fucking clue what this chick does, but it's obvious she's President of the NABTA--Nice Ass, Big Tits Association. Enjoy these PG-13 photos, but Google does have some excellent featurettes. All I can say is damn.

Idiot parents

I'm going to be a first-time dad soon so it's a little scary wondering if you're going to know what to do. You just hope you don't screw things up. Like these two. This lovely couple decided to go shopping at some outlets--a little late-night, post-Thanksgiving shopping. So rather than do something silly like leaving the woman's two-year old son with relatives they decide to just lock the car doors and leave him in the parking lot. And it only got down to about 36 degrees so I'm sure the little boy was fine in his t shirt and jeans (he was barefoot). Apparently the mother didn't want to wake the child. What? The dude is not only charged with confining an unattended child, he's also facing a marijuana possession charge. I wouldn't trust these two with a paper route.

And somehow the authorities turn the kid over to relatives of the boyfriend. Yikes. You might as well tie a steak around his neck and throw him in a lion cage.

A few college football observations

I have an issue with a recent trend I've noticed in college football: The mid-air ass bump after touchdowns. Really? You can't come up with anything a little more original? I thought that move was permanently retired like the Members Only jacket and parachute pants.

My top two annoying college football announcers: Brent Musburger and Chris Spielman. Every play for Brent Musburger has to be the momentum killer or builder. Every guy who makes a big play is suddenly the epic, mythical guy. Lighten up a little bit, bro. Games aren't decided on a 7 yard run in the second quarter of a game. Chris Spielman is annoying for one simple thing: he tries to be the Billy Packer of college football with the sudden, spastic remarks after breaking down a play. Billy Packer is annoying enough when he does it. We don't need you and Jay Bilas trying to do the same. It's seriously grating.

Are CBS and ESPN smoking Tim Tebow's pole? You'd think this guy was already annointed as the greatest college football player of all time. Yes, he's the first guy in history to rush and pass for at least 20 TDs each. But what was the question people asked after Florida won the national title? With Chris Leak gone, can Tim Tebow win as the full-time guy? Three losses in the conference would suggest people should hold off on the Tebow coronation for now...

Is there a college football team this year that can play with something on the line?!

That logo to the right is the game every college football team hopes to be playing in at the end of the year. Most years the top teams take care of business week in and week out. Sure, a couple get tripped up by unexpected teams or a tough rival. But this year more than any has been surprising. Some people will say there's more parity than ever, but I think it's crap. There have been plenty of teams that have lost to inferior opponents. How many times out of 10 does Standford beat USC? You can't tell me anyone thought they'd beat the Trojans. And a team like USC has LOADS of talent--enough to field all of Stanford's starters. You look at SC now and who the hell would want to play them in a playoff format now that they're healthy? They are a nasty bunch. Cal, with a great shot to move up in the rankings loses to an unranked Oregon State team. That was one nasty Beaver I guess--sorry, couldn't help it. Then-No. 1 Ohio St loses to Illinois at home to drop down in the BCS standings and miss out on a chance to play in the BCS title game. The next week Ohio State dominates a Michigan team, which went to Champaign and beat the Fighting Illini by 10 points. LSU, twice the number one team in the country this year, loses to an overrated Kentucky team and then loses to a not very good Arkansas team (Houston Nutt should leave now because he won't have Felix Jones OR Darren McFadden next year and your QB will have to throw it more than 15 times) to dash any hopes of playing for the national title. West Virginia had a great opportunity to stay at the top and lose to an overrated South Florida team, who themselves got up to the #2 ranking in the BCS only to lose to a decent Rutgers team. Sure West Virginia has a chance to play in the title game, but it's not because of anything they've done. Had the teams above them simply played like they were supposed to there'd be no hope for the Morgantown folks. Oklahoma was another example. They are in prime position to go to New Orleans against a Texas Tech team they should have beaten. Instead they can only play the role of spoiler after losing this game and a stunner at Colorado. With the Sooners loss, Texas needed to win today and then hope for an Oklahoma loss to Oklahoma St. Instead they allow the Aggies to roll up on them--the game wasn't as close as the 8-point score. Texas A&M never trailed in the game.

I just wonder what it is this year with the top 2 spots in the BCS. Is it a lack of concentration by teams? If so I think part of that is poor coaching. You have to keep your players on track. Maybe it's a lack of a killer instinct by teams. I hated the Nebraska teams of the mid- to late-90s, but they didn't take it easy on anybody. Remember what they did to Florida and Tennessee in national title games? How about those USC teams? It didn't matter who they were playing. They were sure to, in honor of the Southern folk, stomp a mud hole in your ass to make you think twice about how good you are.

I'll be curious to see how Hawaii does tonight against the Broncos. Can they shake off that bad joojoo against Boise St and keep their dream season alive or will they decide to play like dogshit, roll over and play in ANOTHER Hawaii Bowl?

Natalee Holloway ordeal almost over?

So the three guys who were arrested two years ago in connection with the disappearance of Natalee Holloway have once again been arrested. Supposedly there is some new evidence that prompted the new round of arrests. I haven't heard what this new evidence is, but aside from the family and friends of Natalee Holloway does anybody really care?

I heard this on the radio and it took me a second to remember who the hell this even was. Most people have moved on to other scandals, murders, controversies, etc. I'm sure most people saw this, shrugged their shoulders, and moved on. Wake me when you actually have a body or confession. Maybe then America can start taking an interest again. Otherwise it's a bunch of the same old suspects, who were released, being re-arrested for who knows what. Yawn.

You might think I'm cold and heartless, but think about it for a second. I should be outraged and somehow preoccupied with thoughts about Natalee and mystery behind her murder. Please. Most people, while they won't admit it, had it in their consciousness for about 5 minutes then went back to cooking dinner, playing with their kids, having a beer, getting ready for a workout, or getting the old ball gag out of the closet.

Damn...

I've had this on again, off again thing with Christina for a while. When she first came on the scene I thought she was cute, but she didn't have the tight little body of Britney, who now has a dumpy figure, bald head, and fat face. Christina went from cute, to some type of skanky sperm receptacle, to being SUPER hot like in the picture here.

But to achieve new levels of hotness you have to go above and beyond. I would recommend that if you're a woman you should not go to this page. Also, if you're at work memorize the link and go when you're at home. Possibly alone. I talk about hot pieces of trim all the time and now you can see Christina's in all its glory. You've got to love the Brazilian...

Go here for a little slice of heaven.

The Saudis are some crazy bastards

This story is pretty damn crazy. A woman and man get kidnapped. The woman is raped by the assailants and she's getting 200 LASHES! According to Saudi Islamic law a woman can't meet with an unrelated man.

You know what I say? Tough. If it's against their law then so be it. Of course, someone in American has to be offended for the woman, even if she did agree to the punishment. You knowingly do something wrong what do you expect? It seems most people in death penalty states don't understand the hoopla over human rights groups that denounce capital punishment. But cane a kid for breaking the law in some Southeast Asian country and we're up in arms.

You ask me I think the Saudis have some of that shit right. Get caught stealing and your hand gets chopped off. Think you'll do it again?

You want to stop a child sex offender? Cut his balls off. See if you have a problem then. We're so quick to kill a person, but God forbid we should make a guy sterile. Because that would be wrong.

Heather Mills--still annoying

I heard a little more today of an interview Heather Mills did with a British TV station. Apparently Heather Mills hasn't wanted any money from Paul McCartney--never has. And yet somehow there are still divorce proceedings going on. Also, there are death threats and if anything should happen to Heather a packet with a bunch of secrets will be sent to a certain person for release to the public. She also "knows things" that could damage Paul's reputation. Heather has no idea why the British public hate her guts. Ummmm, how could this have turned out any other way?!

She's dating a fuckin' Beatle!! What other outcome could you expect? She might as well have killed Diana herself (and why are people still bothering with that whole investigation) or taken a dump on Churchill's grave. Heather Mills trying to get the British to like her is like a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. Yes, the pun was intended.

Heather Mills, shut the fuck up!

Is this bitch serious? She's on the Today show saying Paul McCartney would admit to the cause of the divorce being his fault and everything would go away.

Here is a little something from an article on the Cleveland Dealer: 'With regards to the divorce, Heather said: "When I left Paul, I said: 'Protect me from what is going to be a modern-day stoning from a certain portion of the tabloid media and I don't want a penny'."'

So now Peg Leg stands to gain $100 million from her divorce?! And she's making a tour of the talk shows like she's promoting a book?! Interesting...

How in the world did this skank ever think people would be on her side of the story. There could be video evidence of Paul McCartney and a horse--it still wouldn't matter on damn bit. THE GUY IS A BEATLE! He's beloved around the world. And this moron decides to try and improve her public image.

Talk about being a one legged man in an ass kicking contest--literally! Take your fake leg, go home and pray you don't wake up one morning with your fake leg so far up your ass your breath smells like feet...

J Love is a cock tease

I saw Jennifer Love Hewitt in a ProActiv commercial and damn her tits look good! Hasn't she been teasing us long enough with those push up bras and fake, forced smiles? You've got to figure that eventually she'll make one too many bad movies. Then it's time for her to bare all in a slutty Penthouse/Playboy pictorial. It's happened before: Tiffany and Debbie Gibson come to mind. Until then it's like we're laying siege to her french cut panties. Some booze and pills and I'm working my pile driving ass on this girl's cooter in no time!

Britney's back

Britney actually looks okay in the picture of her appearing at her second home--court. She looks like she's wearing her J-Lo costume. I'm not sure why people would buy her album, but I see a time in the near future where the blog title will read "Britney takes it in the back door for money" instead of what it says now.

I normally only write about celebs when they're fucking up but something in a cnn.com article got me going and here it is:

"'Still, Junior Sanchez of Los Angeles, a 21-year-old college student, says the singer's woes make him "feel more attached to her."

'I can really tell she's going through a lot of bad stuff right now,' he says. 'Her real fans don't care about her personal life. We care about her music and the way she performs.'"

For those of you wondering, Junior Sanchez is gay, a transvestite or at some stage of having his dick whacked and formed into a poontang. "Feel more attached to her"? What the fuck is that? If straight guys are hanging out and one of them says this shit it's legally okay to beat him senseless.

What the fuck?!

I'm a die hard Auburn fan and I bleed orange and blue. I love Auburn so much I have a tattoo to prove it. Tonight we went into Baton Rouge and played our asses off. Brian Cox, Brad Lester, and Rod Smith were money on the drive to go up 24-23. But how we don't kick it deep is a mystery to me. Those players laid everything out and a shitty decision by the coaching staff cost us a win. I don't care that other things could've happened and they still may have scored. To not put in your rested defense that had to be pumped up is a travesty. And then to not challenge what was an obvious spot was ridiculous. And to not use your two timeouts on the final drive to save time for a possible comeback drives me crazy. I like Tuberville a lot--I think he's a good coach, but what he did tonight is awful. They should lock Tuberville in the press room until he admits to screwing the team out of a win. Coaches will always put the blame on themselves even when it is unwarranted, but the blame sits squarely on them and nobody else here.

Anybody see a resemblance?

Hillary Duff certainly looks like she's got some talent, but something about her seems off. She's got that tiny little body and that big head. She looks like a nutcracker...

Ball players suspended for androgenous names

Stanford suspends center indefinitely

You can read the story if you'd like, but that's not why I'm posting this. These two guys, who look like Ricky Martin light (if you're a guy that's not a compliment) must have the WORST first names in the history of men. I bet their parents are two lesbians because there's no reason to call your kids Robin and Brook. These guys look like some serious pussies, too. They're not going to get rough in the paint unless you give them enough money or roofies.

Qjkl;djaipjio

If you're reading this before looking at the lovely lady's bountiful jubblies then you're a homo...

Atlanta has a new franchise!

Pop quiz: what do you get when you take a shitty sport and a shitty sports town? A WNBA expansion team! The opportunity for an expansion franchise popped up because no one gave a rat's ass about the Charlotte team and it folded in '06. So what better way of losing money than moving a team to Atlanta, which is quite possible THE WORST sports town in America. If you're running from the police and need to find some place where nobody will look--go to Philips Arena during an Atlanta Hawks game. The Hawks have one of the worst attendance records among NBA teams. They don't give a shit about the Falcons and you could buy first-round playoff tickets to Braves games on the day of the game. Atlanta's a great town otherwise, but if you need to lose money fast so your wife doesn't get it in the divorce invest in a WNBA team.

You could have WNBA players play naked and nobody would show up unless you like women who might have a penis. Nothing but a bunch of nappy-headed hoes playing in the league. Wait a minute. Was that racist? No--I hate all women equally (except my wife of course).

It's been a while, I know

Sorry the blog hasn't been populated as much as I'd like, but when your job sucks the life out of you the way mine does the desire to spread the word to my flock wanes. Hopefully I'll be able to pass along some observations and get you folks thinking a little bit. And, in case you're wondering, Jessica likes her salad tossed with syrup...

I'm confused...

If this "thing" walked into the women's bathroom, and you were a woman, would you call the cops? This woman is suing a restaurant because she was discriminated against by a bouncer who told shim (that's a she plus a him for those keeping score) it had to leave. Herm (her plus him) tried to show the bouncer her ID, but he was having none of it, which is the same reaction I'd have. Good ol' Khadijah Farmer gets confused for a guy all the time--no shit. And guess what? Don't be surprised here, but she's a lesbian and describes herself as "not the most feminine." Now that's an understatement. It's like my saying I have a pretty big cock.

She was on the Today show last week and thank God I wasn't on that show. She was wearing a suit with a button-down shirt and no tie. Very George Clooney. If Matt Lauer didn't point out the fact he was very confused then the guy is a serious poontang and this was a fluff piece. He should've been checking for an adam's apple and hairy knuckles.

Bull dykes call this chick butch. Hell, she's twice the man most of us are and that's probably not a stretch.

A familiar look

This chick isn't the hottest, but she's giving us profile titty, which is alright. But I digress. I'm sure she's pulling some wannabe move here by trying to sing, but I'm sure eventually she'll end up blowing some dumpy producer for a 5-second spot in a Mentos commercial. But her face looks to me like a reaction I saw many times on a girl's face. The reaction when I gave them the shocker...

Marion Jones is sorry and she's retiring

By now I'm sure you know Marion Jones admitted to taking steroids leading up to the 2000 Olympics. Today she returned her five medals to the USOC, which was the right thing to do. Jones of course had to give the new standard excuse for all steroid users--"I didn't know what my trainer was giving me...I thought it was flaxseed oil." Marion also announced she was retiring from track and field competition, which was like a convicted sex offender saying they were going to retire from babysitting small children. No shit! Here's the one thing that can't seem to be answered by anyone. With all of that money from endorsements, Marion Jones couldn't see a dentist about that messed up grill?

Lindsay Lohan has a gift

Hollywood's human sperm bank, Lindsay Lohan, says she's changing her ways with the realization coming after she got busted for possessing the booger sugar. Or maybe it was after her second stint--or was it third--stint in rehab. Anyways, she tells OK magazine her talent is a gift and she's going to use it. I'm guessing by talent she means taking a dude's cock and balls in her mouth at the same time without gagging.

What's wrong with Erin Andrews?

If you like sports and have a penis then chances are you know who the hell Erin Andrews is. And, if you're like me, you definitely like what you see. Hot chick who covers sporting events. What does that mean? It means a nice piece of arm candy who can get you sideline tickets to any sporting event you want. Does it get much better than that?! I've tried to see if this prize piece is spoken for, but there isn't even a promise ring on that finger. So I have to ask: what's wrong with Erin Andrews? Bad breath? Hair on her back? A little odorous down below? Does it look like you're pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich once you get the thong off (I have no doubt she's wearing a thong or some cheeky little boy shorts--daddy like)? Her single status is a mystery...

I read a great quote today

I was in a team-building class today and I read something that seemed to sum up my job situation:

"Sometimes we stay in hell a long time because we've learned the names of the streets."

Times they are a changing though...

Please go vegetarian

If it means giving up red meat to see Alicia Silverstone's naughty bits then daddy is down...You can see pictures here.

Michael Vick has learned his lesson

Here are a couple of Michael Vick quotes during a press conference about a month ago following his guilty plea:

"I will redeem myself. I have to."

"I want to apologize to all the young kids out there for my immature acts and, you know, what I did was, what I did was very immature so that means I need to grow up."

"I totally ask for forgiveness and understanding as I move forward to bettering Michael Vick the person, not the football player."

"I take full responsibility for my actions … I am totally responsible."

So what does the new, responsible Michael Vick do? He decides to light up a little bit of the Mary Jane and take a toke. Dude popped positive for the wacky tobaccy September 13th. So now he's got to stay home between 10 PM and 6 AM, submit to random drug testing, and wear some type of monitoring device. His lawyer says he's going through a difficult time. I've never been in legal trouble, but I'm guessing while you wait for one trial you don't want to break any other laws. This guy wants to get back into the NFL and he fails a drug test. That's a four-game suspension for a first-time offense. And that's tacked on to the indefinite suspension the guy is already serving.

That flushing sound is Michael Vick's chances of playing football again going down the toilet. Great job, Smokey!

Women's golf needs you

If these heart-warming images aren't enough to make you want to support women's golf then you have a cold, cruel heart....www.womensgolfcalendar.com