August 21st can't get here soon enough

I have no idea how to spell this chick's name, but she starts on NBC's "Heroes" and she's a hot piece of ass. Of course she was born August 21, 1989, which means she'll be legal in about three weeks. I'm not naive enough to think this girl hasn't gone down on a guy or two or been given the shocker. But on the 21st every guy can talk freely about giving her a well-deserved mustache ride without being looked at as a sick bastard in need of some thorough psychiatric help.

Star Jones comes clean

So the picture on the left is Star Jones. And the picture on the right is Star Jones. Slight difference, right? Not only did her waistline drop, but her face stopped looking the size of a stop sign. It looks like someone put a mouth and eyes on a frying pan. Soon after she returned from a "leave of absence" from The View, she was suddenly skinny. People insisted she had gastric bypass surgery, but Star maintained she did it through diet and exercise only. Right. Nobody goes from a size 100 to a size 4 (these are generic figures because I have no idea about women's clothes sizes) overnight. Well, Star Jones has finally admitted she did have a little help. Apparently Star was afraid of what people might think if she told them she had the procedure done. Ummmm, I'm sure most people would think you're a fug, stuck up bitch. Which is pretty much what people thought when you were giant tub of monkey crap. This revelation is about as surprising as Rosie O'Donnell finally coming out. It's like we have all of the evidence and we're just wanting the suspect to confess. Maybe it's because no one gives a shit about her and she feels the need to get back in the spotlight again. Give me a break. And if you're thinking, "Man, I'd fuck her now," just remember this chick weighed over 3 bills at some point which means her body looks like lava that's cooled and you can see all of the folds and rolls. I bet you've got a softy now...

Lindsay Lohan is innocent!

You know, when you've got a rack this big it's hard to not think she's innocent. Of course, she's at it again and is saying she wasn't doing drugs--she was holding them for someone. I can believe that because if there's one thing Lindsay does hold it's lots of guy's sperm. I bet her crotch looks like like a fluffernutter with the sperm bank worth of baby batter she's got crammed up there. At least she's not trying to get out of the fact she was boozing it up considering her blood alcohol was .12.

Legal experts are saying she should tell the judge she wants to go back to rehab because if she is convicted then the rehab time would count toward her sentence. I say fuck that. Any judge with a law degree from DeVry would see through that shit. This bitch needs to do some seriously hard time. And considering it's been rumored Lindsay like to tear up the carpet why would she care? Some expert is saying she needs to stop partying, get new friends, and change her habits. Wow. That's some expert. For the single guys, use a similar technique when a chick doesn't want to take it in the back door. "Don't worry, baby, the more lube you use the less it's going to hurt. Why would I lie to you? Our relationship is too important."

More waste of time

A chairman of a House subcommittee wants to interview NBA commissioner David Stern over the fact an NBA referee was found to be betting on basketball games including ones he officiated. Rep. Bobby Rush, from Illinois, believes this could be one of the most damaging incidents in sports if the allegations are proven true. Maybe it would be if people gave a rat's ass about the NBA. Rush says the sport has been dogged by allegations its games are fixed, which is true. Those allegations are made by fans whose teams are from small market towns who think David Stern wants to see the Knicks, Bulls and Lakers in the finals every year. Maybe if credible people were making this remarks it might mean something. I would think the head of the Subcommittee on Commerce, Trade and Consumer Protection would have more important issues to deal with. Maybe next he'll go after pro wrestling because he's heard it's fixed. Another jackass that got elected...way to go America.

Just back from the John Mayer concert

The wife and I just got back from the John Mayer concert in DC. I can sum up the experience in one word: awesome! We got there a little after everything kicked off. I wanted to get a listen to James Morrison, an up and coming artist from England. He certainly didn't disappoint in my mind and I will certainly buy his CD. I believe John Mayer called it this year's "Back to School" album.

Next up was Ben Folds. I guess with the recession he had to get rid of the Five part because now it's just three guys. I wasn't expecting much, but I was pleasantly surprised. I'm not sure how the band is on an album, but they were awesome in concert. I bet you in a small venue they kick some serious ass. They definitely had a Barenaked Ladies vibe going on and if you've ever been to one of their concerts you know it's a good time.

Last up was John Mayer and it took over 40 minutes between Ben Folds finishing up and Mayer starting. To me that was WAY too long considering it took about 20 minutes to get the set ready. Once the music started up, though, all was forgiven. John Mayer right now is in my top 5 artists. I love his music and the fact he doesn't sound like everyone else (a post for later). All the songs were great, but tonight's version of "Gravity" was unbelievable. It's already my favorite song of his and if I could find this version somewhere online I'd be ecstatic. If you get the chance to see this guy live do so because you will not be disappointed.

Now for the guy's only section. I think that if you're a convicted sex offender you should be at this concert. There was all kinds of ass walking around--unreal. Lots of dirty chicks, nice girls, missionary-only...you name it, they had it. And I really appreciated the wife pointing out the MILF in front of me. Her low-cut tank afforded me the opportunity to look at the top of her jubblies. Two words: Daddy Like.

Michael Vick's team shocked

The Falcons are stating they were surprised Michael Vick was indicted on charges stemming from his alleged role in a dogfighting ring. According to Arthur Blank, team owner, "We had, clearly, no indications, no signs, no whispers ... of any of this kind of behavior." Rich McKay, the Falcons GM, said he never knew there was such a thing as dogfighting.

Excuse me?! Nothing like listening to two rich, white guys talk about dog fights. I guess Arthur Blanks thinks because he owns Home Depot the Feds are supposed to consult with him on any federal indictments. And how have you NEVER heard of dog fighting?! Rich McKay must think we're a bunch of idiots or something. Give me a fucking break.

Michael Vick is probably guilty of something and if his frequent run-ins with the law are any indication I can't imagine he'll be playing for any length of time this season. The Falcons are idiots for letting go of Matt Schaub and now they have to live with Joey Harrington as their starter. Good luck with that, ass fucks!

Lindsay at it again

Hollywood's favorite spooge receptacle is in the news once again. Fresh out of her rehab stint and vowing to stay clean, Lohan was once again arrested for drunk driving and possession of the booger sugar. She was chasing another car around the mean streets of Santa Monica. If this skank doesn't get hardcore prison time for her second arrest--only separated by her stint in rehab--we'll know there's some shit wrong with the system. If this girl were some no-name hooker she's be serving hard time already. Nobody gives a rat's ass about another spoiled bitch who decides to waste what passes for talent these days.

This picture does take me back to my college days. It's the same look chicks would give me after fucking them silly and informing them they didn't make the cut. And I tell ya the sobbing didn't make booting them out of my house any harder. Those were the days...