Watch this kid, Australia

Zoo officials in central Australia caught this 7-year old boy killing a bunch of reptiles by either bashing their heads in with a rock or feeding them to an alligator. He whacked 13 animals and had no expression on his face the whole time. Due to the laws in that part of Australia, however, the kid can't be charged because he's under 10. The zoo is going to sue his parents, but if you ask me they should sue to put this boy in some kind of mental ward right now. The best thing that could have happened was if he'd been eaten by the alligator! Everyone knows the psychological information in movies is real and they always talk about serial killers starting out by killing animals. That's good enough for me. If the cops aren't checking up on this kid later tonight he'll be stuffing dead bodies under the floor of his house (hence the John Wayne Gacy photograph--friendly isn't he?)!

Ricky Williams not over the herb...

Ricky Williams said he was tempted to light up a doobie during the Dolphins' bye week according to an ESPN report. Ricky says, with the freedom of an off week he wondered what he was going to do and pictures of joints danced in his head. Apparently meditation was the cure because, in his mind, it was the same high as marijuana. He said he can't promise he won't smoke a joint once his NFL career is over, which is code for "I can't wait to be done with the NFL so I can light it up all day, every day." According to the report, he said "I don't know. I don't spend much time thinking about it." This is also code for "I think about smoking weed every day." The thought I have in my head is the sequence from
Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle when he's daydreaming about being married to a bag of bud.

Parking

I come into work pretty early--so early the only people still awake besides me are hookers turning their last trick for the evening. So I see some of the security guys and gym rats coming to work and I notice there are a lot of people who feel the need to back into a parking spot. Why is that? Does it make you look cool? Are you planning a bank robbery and need to make a fast getaway? I don't know, but it's a little annoying. Almost as annoying as the guy I saw yesterday with a Bentley grill on his Chrysler 300--what? That's like buying those hubcap spinners. Horrible, bro.

And speaking of sweet rides, meet this month's foxy lady. Keeley Hazell hails from England and I hear there are topless pictures of her on a site called www.page3.com--I think. She's definitely got one thing going for her that most Brits don't: nice teeth.

Mia Farrow is a saint

Mia Farrow is big on UNICEF and she apparently just got back from touring Haiti and surveyed the devastation. Haiti was devastated by four hurricanes in just a few weeks and cities and villages are devastated. Apparently small donations will save lives in a country that is our neighbor. How about you help some other neighbors? Like the underprivileged people we have right in this country. It seems all of the Hollywood big wigs don't have a problem going to foreign countries because apparently all of the homeless people I see in DC are very well off. The truth is they don't mind helping folks from other countries because the only time they have to see them is when they take a trip with cameras in tow so people know what great humanitarians they are. Give me a fucking break. Why don't you start here in the US first and see if you can help some of your real neighbors?

And this obviously isn't Mia Farrow--that bitch has let herself go. But Megan Fox...well, feel free to rub one out.

Too sexy

Apparently University of Idaho fans are upset about the sexiness of their cheerleader's uniforms. According to the dean of students, "A number of fans were concerned that the uniforms were inappropriate. To be fair, there were a number of fans who liked them." Let me take a stab at who didn't like them: band girls and ugly chicks. If you're a deuce and a half and can't seem to get rid of that mustache you probably weren't digging it.

As an expert in all things sexy, these uniforms aren't inappropriate enough. I'm guessing Moscow, ID isn't a hot bed for talent. So if you've got 10-12 pieces of ass on campus, be sure to show it off.

An observation

Anybody notice when the news channels interview supporters of Obama you never see a white person? And when they interview McCain supporters you don't see a black person? Just curious...

Call It a Comeback

A friend pointed out I hadn't updated this blog in ages and sure enough, she was right. I'm a slackass, but you'll have to forgive me. Between wishing I could make a run at the PGA Tour, taking care of our baby girl, and dealing with supporting FEMA I'm a bit swamped. Something had to go so this blog and I took a break. No idea how often I'll post, but I promise to make an attempt. To make it up here's a picture of Megan Fox, this month's Coughdrop Realities girl. When I contacted her to inform her of this prestigious award she reminded me phone calls are prohibited under the restraining order--she's such a tease...