Shock beat the Mercury in Game 1

If you read the title of this post and knew what I was talking about, wow. Seriously, get a life. I would've watched the WNBA finals, but I was working a serious dump most of the night. And after all that hard work wouldn't you know there was nothing to show for it except a bad odor? It's like the "if a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it..." thing, but instead it's "if you take a grump and you don't see it at the bottom of the toilet, did it really happen"? Okay, I've said too much. Again.

Jerry Lewis, ass clown

I wrote previously about the jackass celebrities who make some stupid public comments and then try to retract them. Like Jerry Lewis calling someone an "illiterate faggot" during his telethon. Literacy is no laughing matter, Mr. Lewis! Jerry Lewis is 81 and was on his 18th hour--give the guy a break if he forgot to hide his homophobic tendencies for two seconds. And of course the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD, get it?) has to get its two cents in because no one even knows this organization exists. They want to get together with Jerry Lewis and pull an Al Sharpton on Imus thing to better educate him on the evils of words like faggot.

Jerry Lewis of course said all the "right" things for the cameras. Wouldn't it be awesome if at the press conference he just said, "Yeah, I said it. I've said a lot worse. So I called a guy a faggot--big deal! I hate gays--there I said it so now you don't have to wonder and I don't have to stand up and give some bullshit apology none of you will believe. I'm 81 years old and if you don't like what I say then go fuck yourselves." Now that's a man.

Whoopi Goldberg is an idiot

I don't know if The View's producers told Whoopi she had to be like Rosie, but she certainly succeeded. Nothing like coming to the defense of an admitted dog killer to make sure you lost whatever credibility you might have had in the first place. You can go here and read the article. For those of you that don't like to read a lot, unless there are a bunch of pictures, here's the moronic comment Whoopi made: "You know from his background this is not an unusual thing for where he comes from." She also mentioned how Vick was raised in the South, dog fighting is part of his cultural upbringing and if it had been someone from New York her feelings would be different. Oh really?

You know what else is common in the South? The KKK, racists, and the 'N' word. I guess if you're one of those and you drop the 'N' bomb on her she's okay with it if you're from the South. A poor public education system--that's common in the South, too. So if you're borderline stupid, but hail from Americus, Georgia you're cool. Hot girls at SEC schools--that's a common thing in the South. So if you're some fat, fug deuce-and-a-half from the University of Tennessee then Whoopi has no time for you, girlfriend. Don't even think about hanging out with Whoopi if you haven't had sex with a relative, too.

Whoopi, before you can make these idiotic rationalizations try to make sure your foot doesn't get in the way.

#1 movies

My wife and I went to see Halloween over the long holiday weekend. This was a remake of the John Carpenter thriller about Michael Myers-he was always one of the freakier movie killers because of that emotionless mask. Dude just went around gutting people. Rob Zombie was responsible and I've got to say I enjoyed it. He uses the same damn people over and over though. If you've seen House of 1,000 Corpses and The Devil's Rejects you'll remember the actors. I guess it keeps those guys employed, but any time he feels like throwing in some new blood feel free. There were two big things going for this movie that sealed it's #1 position at the box office for the weekend: T&A and murder. That's it. Plain and simple. The only thing this movie was missing was childish humor.

Which leads me to the topic of #1 movies. What have been some of the last couple of years' biggest hits? The 40-Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, and Superbad have all been huge hits. Got any clue as to why these low-budget movies become financial windfalls? Tits, ass, and childish slapstick humor. Who makes these films big hits? Guys--of all ages. Because guys like T&A and we're all childish. Flash a nipple here and there, maybe a thong and throw in some guy being puked on and you're in business. When you think about some of the simple plot lines it's remarkable we aren't all coming up with these films. Superbad is about two guys needing to get liquor. Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle is just what the title says. By the way, if you haven't seen it you're really missing out. Neil Patrick Harris was awesome as himself. Anyways... Keep this in mind if you want a hit movie on your hands. Tits, ass, and slapstick.

See?!

If you read my post on lottery winners and thought I was an idiot for making such a bold assumption then--well, you wouldn't even be the first in my family to call me an idiot. Anyways, maybe my little friend pictured here will make you think twice. This guy, Elwood "Bunky" Bartlett, is the holder of one of the four winning tickets from Friday night's $330 million Mega Millions jackpot. Apparently Elwood, was on his way to a store when he stopped to buy a couple of tickets. Want to know what he does at this store? He teaches Wicca and Reiki healing! Did you know he made a deal with the multiple gods of his Wiccan belief to win the ticket?? Maybe now you'll listen and realize that while my site is based mostly on my own opinions and very little research there's sometimes a little truth behind it. Feel free to apologize by sending me money--it's all about the C.R.E.A.M., baby! If you don't get that you need to listen to a little more Wu Tang Clan...

Wearing your hat backwards

I was at the golf course a couple of weekends ago and I saw something rather disturbing. A guy easily in his early 40s was sporting his hat backwards. As if that wasn't bad enough, his hat was easily at a 45-degree angle. Both things are very wrong and for the same reason: age. Unless you're a professional athlete or sitting at home alone, there is no reason At 30, the days of wearing your hat backward have gone the way of wearing your letterman's jacket (which went away the second you graduated from high school--stop hanging on).

And as an adult under 30 make sure your hat is perpendicular to the ground please. You can wear your hat at a 45-degree angle if you still have a paper route. Otherwise, straighten it out. It's an inverse relationship really. The higher in age you get the lower the angle of your hat should be. Follow this simple formula and you won't look like an idiot.

What does Auburn football and the Make-A-Wish Foundation have in common?

23-13. When the clock at Jordan-Hare Stadium read 0:00, that was the score and Auburn had come out victorious. Somehow. When Auburn started its game-winning drive my old roommate texted me one word: Pray. I wrote back and told him, "we need a miracle." And somehow we got out wish, the Make-A-Wish reference. Quentin Groves managed to force a fumble at the end of the game, which we ran back for a touchdown to seal the win. It was ugly.

No doubt about it. We got schooled Saturday night. Our defense played like crap to start the game and simple slants were pushing us back. Eventually we got on track and the defense really pushed their offense around although our second-half start was similar to the start of the game. But when we needed big plays we certainly took advantage. The punting and placekicking games were a bright spot--they were very consistent. I think we've got some consistency here for the next four years and that's a plus. Now our offense I'd give a big thumbs down. The offensive line did have to replace four of last year's starters, but holy crap did we play like shit. We couldn't pick up blitzes, Brandon Cox held the ball way too long, and our running game was non-existent.

I'm hoping we fix some things by next weekend otherwise it's going to be a LONG season. Up next for us is South Florida. Let's hope we prepare better than we did for the Wildcats.