Why say thank you?

I was playing golf yesterday despite the soggy conditions because I have a serious addiction. The fairways and greens were pretty juicy, but I still managed to put up together the best round of my storied career--+5 with an even par front 9 (also a first). Anyways, I hit some great shots like my 5 hybrid to 2 feet on the 8th. One of the guys said, "nice shot." Now you would expect the proper response to be "thanks." But why couldn't I say "I know"? I didn't intend to hit a shitty shot to the green. I didn't give a quick nod to the gods before closing my eyes and hoping for the best. When I play I expect to hit good shots all the time. Otherwise, why the hell would I even play?! When Tiger hits a crazy 60-yard slice to the green because he has to, why can't the dude say, "I know"? Why has society told us we need to say thanks--completely inappropriate if you ask me. This is a capitalist nation, survival of the fittest, etc. Acknowledge you hit a great shot and let your playing partners know about it. Conceited? No way. Self confident? Most definitely.

The Spears girls are whores

Looks the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it? Sweet little 16-year old Jamie Lynn spears is pregnant with her first (maybe?) child. In a previous interview she mentioned how she didn't have a boyfriend and she just had guys she hung out with. Whoa. Looks like Jamie Lynn decided to beat Britney to the punch. Who knows how long she's been giving up the 'tang like government cheese in the projects.

The dude who deposited his baby batter in little JL is 18, which means her dad should be cutting off his balls and feeding them to him. Nothing will probably happen and yet in Georgia a kid was put away for just getting a BJ.

JL says she's going to raise the baby in Louisiana "so it can have a normal family life." I guess this means she'll be running around barefoot while playing the banjo and drinking from a milk jug.

The truth behind Romo's thumb injury

My buddy, Derek, was pretty upset over the shitty performance his Cowboys put on in front of a national audience. Of particular note was the pathetic play of Tony Romo. Here was his line: 13 for 36, 214 yards, 0 touchdowns, 3 interceptions. Ouch. That doesn't inspire too much confidence and hopefully this doesn't stick in his mind heading into the playoffs. This is the second shitty performance he's had when he had a lady friend in attendance. First was Carrie Underwood and then Sunday it was Jessica Simpson.

During the game Tony Romo suffered an injury to his right thumb. My sources have told me, however, the injury occurred Saturday night. Apparently, the head Romosexual tried to give Jessica the shocker. She jerked away with his thumb still her in dookie chute. Tony, you need to start with something a little small next time--no sense in tearing something on the girl the first time out!

Tara Reid is still fug

It's tough being naturally good looking--I should know. We're a rare flower. So it's tough when you see Hollywood "stars" who used to be hot reduced to this. Stay indoors unless you've got a makeup team prepping you. Like this picture of Tara Reid. Her stomach looks like someone spread peanut butter on a slice of bread. I wouldn't touch that with Osama bin Laden's dick.

And, Jennifer Love, you're fat and you're not a size 2. Maybe you were wearing a size 2 bikini bottom for your size 8 ass and thunder thighs. If you're so beautiful and have a great body why is it the Hanes commercial only shows you from the waist up unless you're in a dress?

Bobby Petrino is a whore

Bobby Petrino QUIT last night 13 games into the season and agreed to be the head coach at Arkansas. He's a bitch. You want to talk about commitment issues? This guy is a classic example right out of the Nick Saban mold. Petrino came to Auburn as its offensive coordinator back in 2003. After a year he left for Louisville to become the head coach--certainly a great opportunity for a guy who helped to turn around my Tigers. While in his first year at Louisville he secretly meets with Auburn boosters about become the next head coach of the Tigers and then denies it; only admitting he had met after Auburn issued its own press release. In 2004 he met with Florida, Notre Dame, and Ole Miss about their head coach openings. Then he signs an extension with Louisville only to interview less than a week later with LSU officials about their opening. In 2005 Petrino interviewed with the Oakland Raiders even though he told people he wasn't interested in an NFL job. In 2006 he signs a 10-year extension with the Cardinals only to 5 months later take his show to the Atlanta Falcons.

Then, 13 games into this season--which has been a mess--Petrino abruptly resigns his head coaching job and the same day signs with Arkansas. In his press conference he said leaving the Falcons was difficult. That's bullshit. It was easy for Petrino to bolt--just ask Louisville. And if the guy wasn't enough of a jack ass, he says good bye to the Falcons' players by sending them a letter. That's a real "class" act. At least have the balls to look your players in the eye and explain yourself.

Petrino probably belongs in college football, but Arkansas had better watch their back because Petrino will stab you in the back at his first opportunity. And when a better job opens up--and, Arkansas, their are better jobs--you'd better believe Petrino will have one foot out the door.

Sometimes hot chicks should just shut up

Katherine Heigl (of "Grey's Anatomy" and "Knocked Up" fame) is hot. She's so hot I'd drink her bath water. I would beat it like I stole it if I got a look at her talent. Then she's got to open her mouth and sound like such an idiot you wish you would've kept her "downstairs" for a little while longer...

According to an article on CNN.com her character is having an affair with...you know who cares. Anyways, this is causing her problems. Heigl says she doesn't "really know Izzie very well right now. ... I'm trying to figure her out and keep her real." Excuse me? She isn't real, fuck chops! She's on a TV show. Talk about sounding like a pretentious jackass...

Heigl also decided to talk about her experience doing "Knocked Up." She said, "It was a little sexist," she says. "It paints the women as shrews, as humorless and uptight, and it paints the men as lovable, goofy, fun-loving guys. ... Ninety-eight percent of the time it was an amazing experience, but it was hard for me to love the movie." I'm sure she was hating this movie when the tons of cash was rolling in. If the movie was sexist then why do it in the first place? I'm guessing because the money they gave you to play a CHARACTER was too good to pass up! Katherine Heigl must be the new voice for women's rights although it's hard to take her seriously when she's flashing a side view of her tits in the picture...

Gross negligence

At what point is New York Knicks owner James Dolan going to realize Isaiah Thomas is a horrible coach and GM. The guy is regressing and they sucked last year. He's driven this team to rock bottom and they've begun to dig. Has he done anything good in terms of personnel decisions? Fans are booing before they even start games. I'm wondering when the few remaining Knicks fans mount a revolt and take back a once-proud franchise that has become a joke.

Who would buy this shit?

I've recently noticed Britney Spears' perfume commercials on TV again. Maybe some advertising guy figures it's a great time to pop these ads back on the tube with all of the Britney publicity right now. If that's the case this guy should be fired. I can't imagine who this perfume would appeal to except for women who do things half ass, shave their heads, have an ass like a bean bag chair, and give up the pooty like food to an Ethiopian. What does this stuff smell like? I'm guessing it smells like booze, cigarettes, fried chicken, chocolate and bdissy (booty, dick and pussy).

The BCS is screwed

Well, what a mess. I didn't expect Mizzou to win the Big 12. No way they were going to beat a healthy Oklahoma team that had beaten them by 10 earlier in the year. Of course this all could have been avoided had West Virginia not fumbled away the game against Pitt. Pitt! How the hell does that happen?! Pitt is crap this year and they hold WVU to their lowest rushing output of the season. Pat White gets hurt, is in street clothes apparently and then comes back in the fourth quarter. Poor.

So now instead of an Ohio State-West Virginia national title game, we have something less desirable. I think Ohio State should be in, but after that who knows. I don't think Georgia deserves it. I don't care what Mark Richt says, you can't play for the national title when you didn't even play in your own conference championship (right now this isn't a rule in the BCS that you have to win your conference to play for the national title). And I don't care if Georgia tied for first in the East. You still didn't play in the game! Same thing for Kansas and even more so--the Jayhawks didn't beat anybody this year. If you ask me it should be either Oklahoma or LSU. Sorry, USC, but you guys lost to a horrible Stanford team. Virginia Tech is ahead of LSU, but they got smoked down in Baton Rouge.

If I had to make a pick I'd go with the Sooners, but I see way too many teams that either do/don't deserve to be playing for the title this year. And I think an 8-team playoff would solve the problem. To me this is worse than having three undefeated teams. Let's hope we see some kind of change for next year.

Imus return is sparking protests

Don Imus will hit the airwaves Monday after being banished for the past 8 months. Apparently some black leaders in Boston led a protest in front of one of the radio stations that will broadcast his new show. Why? Somebody needs to tell these guys they're only helping. Who the hell listens to Imus anymore? The dude was on MSNBC for God's sake! Howard Stern told the Associated Press, "'At this point, I don't think he's very relevant,' Stern said. 'People will tune out within a week. I defy you to listen. It's like a rodeo -- you know, see how long you can ride a bull? See how long you can keep listening to Imus.'" I can't. At all. The dude is B-O-R-I-N-G. I guess if you're 90 and breathing out of a tube you might tune in, but I'd rather listen to someone with diarrhea blast their colon into a toilet.

Montel Williams is angry

"'Don't look at me like that. Do you know who I am? I'm a big star, and I can look you up, find where you live and blow you up,"'is apparently what Montel Williams told a high school intern in Savannah. The student should've said, "I have no idea who you are. Do you need money?" I didn't even know Montel Williams was alive. Dude is seriously washed up and not a big star. He's down to county fairs and visiting old folks homes. Imagine if MC Hammer came up to you now trying to big time you. Would you be scared? Intimidated? No. I'd be too busy laughing in his face. He also said, "'I mistakenly thought the reporter and photographer in question were at the hotel to confront me about some earlier comments,' Williams said." Montel did apologize and he should have--for thinking he was still relevant! Get over yourself, Montel. You're a washed up has been. The only way to resurrect your career now is to get caught with a trannie at a highway rest stop.

More college football observations

I love college football--so much so that I set my calendar to it. After the bowls recruiting is in the forefront for about a month. Sites like rivals.com let you go crazy speculating about that 5-star recruit your team is after. Then after that are the spring practices followed by the spring game--a little tease about what your team can/will do in the fall. Then you enter that dead period until fall practices start. And even during this blissful period there are a few things that get on my nerves along with the ones I talked about a while back.

First, I want to thank Tim Brando for coming up with the ridiculous habit of calling football teams the "fighting (insert the last name of your coach here)". It's spread to ESPN as well and their College Gameday crew. Who thought this was a good idea? Every team has a nickname--use that. Otherwise start using some of the more colorful nicknames have for their coaches like the "Fighting Did we really pay this ass clown $4 million to lose to Louisiana Monroe"...Bama fans, that one's for you. 6 in a row and counting...

Second, getting the award for most annoying college football announce team is CBS and Vern Lundquist and Gary Danielson. I do so LOVE listening to these guys extol the superhuman abilities of Tim Tebow. Thankfully he wasn't playing the SEC Championship game or else they would've gushed about his courageous effort against a shitty Florida State while having a broken finger. I know what finger I'd like to give these to white bread jackasses. CBS, there's a reason Gary Danielson didn't get re-signed by ABC. Let's get a little new blood into the program. And if I have to hear Lundquist laugh at one of Danielson's idiotic jokes or observations I'm going to vomit.