J Love is a cock tease

I saw Jennifer Love Hewitt in a ProActiv commercial and damn her tits look good! Hasn't she been teasing us long enough with those push up bras and fake, forced smiles? You've got to figure that eventually she'll make one too many bad movies. Then it's time for her to bare all in a slutty Penthouse/Playboy pictorial. It's happened before: Tiffany and Debbie Gibson come to mind. Until then it's like we're laying siege to her french cut panties. Some booze and pills and I'm working my pile driving ass on this girl's cooter in no time!

Britney's back

Britney actually looks okay in the picture of her appearing at her second home--court. She looks like she's wearing her J-Lo costume. I'm not sure why people would buy her album, but I see a time in the near future where the blog title will read "Britney takes it in the back door for money" instead of what it says now.

I normally only write about celebs when they're fucking up but something in a cnn.com article got me going and here it is:

"'Still, Junior Sanchez of Los Angeles, a 21-year-old college student, says the singer's woes make him "feel more attached to her."

'I can really tell she's going through a lot of bad stuff right now,' he says. 'Her real fans don't care about her personal life. We care about her music and the way she performs.'"

For those of you wondering, Junior Sanchez is gay, a transvestite or at some stage of having his dick whacked and formed into a poontang. "Feel more attached to her"? What the fuck is that? If straight guys are hanging out and one of them says this shit it's legally okay to beat him senseless.

What the fuck?!

I'm a die hard Auburn fan and I bleed orange and blue. I love Auburn so much I have a tattoo to prove it. Tonight we went into Baton Rouge and played our asses off. Brian Cox, Brad Lester, and Rod Smith were money on the drive to go up 24-23. But how we don't kick it deep is a mystery to me. Those players laid everything out and a shitty decision by the coaching staff cost us a win. I don't care that other things could've happened and they still may have scored. To not put in your rested defense that had to be pumped up is a travesty. And then to not challenge what was an obvious spot was ridiculous. And to not use your two timeouts on the final drive to save time for a possible comeback drives me crazy. I like Tuberville a lot--I think he's a good coach, but what he did tonight is awful. They should lock Tuberville in the press room until he admits to screwing the team out of a win. Coaches will always put the blame on themselves even when it is unwarranted, but the blame sits squarely on them and nobody else here.

Anybody see a resemblance?

Hillary Duff certainly looks like she's got some talent, but something about her seems off. She's got that tiny little body and that big head. She looks like a nutcracker...

Ball players suspended for androgenous names

Stanford suspends center indefinitely

You can read the story if you'd like, but that's not why I'm posting this. These two guys, who look like Ricky Martin light (if you're a guy that's not a compliment) must have the WORST first names in the history of men. I bet their parents are two lesbians because there's no reason to call your kids Robin and Brook. These guys look like some serious pussies, too. They're not going to get rough in the paint unless you give them enough money or roofies.

Qjkl;djaipjio

If you're reading this before looking at the lovely lady's bountiful jubblies then you're a homo...

Atlanta has a new franchise!

Pop quiz: what do you get when you take a shitty sport and a shitty sports town? A WNBA expansion team! The opportunity for an expansion franchise popped up because no one gave a rat's ass about the Charlotte team and it folded in '06. So what better way of losing money than moving a team to Atlanta, which is quite possible THE WORST sports town in America. If you're running from the police and need to find some place where nobody will look--go to Philips Arena during an Atlanta Hawks game. The Hawks have one of the worst attendance records among NBA teams. They don't give a shit about the Falcons and you could buy first-round playoff tickets to Braves games on the day of the game. Atlanta's a great town otherwise, but if you need to lose money fast so your wife doesn't get it in the divorce invest in a WNBA team.

You could have WNBA players play naked and nobody would show up unless you like women who might have a penis. Nothing but a bunch of nappy-headed hoes playing in the league. Wait a minute. Was that racist? No--I hate all women equally (except my wife of course).

It's been a while, I know

Sorry the blog hasn't been populated as much as I'd like, but when your job sucks the life out of you the way mine does the desire to spread the word to my flock wanes. Hopefully I'll be able to pass along some observations and get you folks thinking a little bit. And, in case you're wondering, Jessica likes her salad tossed with syrup...

I'm confused...

If this "thing" walked into the women's bathroom, and you were a woman, would you call the cops? This woman is suing a restaurant because she was discriminated against by a bouncer who told shim (that's a she plus a him for those keeping score) it had to leave. Herm (her plus him) tried to show the bouncer her ID, but he was having none of it, which is the same reaction I'd have. Good ol' Khadijah Farmer gets confused for a guy all the time--no shit. And guess what? Don't be surprised here, but she's a lesbian and describes herself as "not the most feminine." Now that's an understatement. It's like my saying I have a pretty big cock.

She was on the Today show last week and thank God I wasn't on that show. She was wearing a suit with a button-down shirt and no tie. Very George Clooney. If Matt Lauer didn't point out the fact he was very confused then the guy is a serious poontang and this was a fluff piece. He should've been checking for an adam's apple and hairy knuckles.

Bull dykes call this chick butch. Hell, she's twice the man most of us are and that's probably not a stretch.

A familiar look

This chick isn't the hottest, but she's giving us profile titty, which is alright. But I digress. I'm sure she's pulling some wannabe move here by trying to sing, but I'm sure eventually she'll end up blowing some dumpy producer for a 5-second spot in a Mentos commercial. But her face looks to me like a reaction I saw many times on a girl's face. The reaction when I gave them the shocker...

Marion Jones is sorry and she's retiring

By now I'm sure you know Marion Jones admitted to taking steroids leading up to the 2000 Olympics. Today she returned her five medals to the USOC, which was the right thing to do. Jones of course had to give the new standard excuse for all steroid users--"I didn't know what my trainer was giving me...I thought it was flaxseed oil." Marion also announced she was retiring from track and field competition, which was like a convicted sex offender saying they were going to retire from babysitting small children. No shit! Here's the one thing that can't seem to be answered by anyone. With all of that money from endorsements, Marion Jones couldn't see a dentist about that messed up grill?

Lindsay Lohan has a gift

Hollywood's human sperm bank, Lindsay Lohan, says she's changing her ways with the realization coming after she got busted for possessing the booger sugar. Or maybe it was after her second stint--or was it third--stint in rehab. Anyways, she tells OK magazine her talent is a gift and she's going to use it. I'm guessing by talent she means taking a dude's cock and balls in her mouth at the same time without gagging.

What's wrong with Erin Andrews?

If you like sports and have a penis then chances are you know who the hell Erin Andrews is. And, if you're like me, you definitely like what you see. Hot chick who covers sporting events. What does that mean? It means a nice piece of arm candy who can get you sideline tickets to any sporting event you want. Does it get much better than that?! I've tried to see if this prize piece is spoken for, but there isn't even a promise ring on that finger. So I have to ask: what's wrong with Erin Andrews? Bad breath? Hair on her back? A little odorous down below? Does it look like you're pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich once you get the thong off (I have no doubt she's wearing a thong or some cheeky little boy shorts--daddy like)? Her single status is a mystery...